I don't even know where to start! Please only reply if you want to help ð???
I left my dp last Thursday because I have feelings for another woman (I have left him before for her so wasn't totally out the blue and has always known I'm bisexual) I ended up getting back with him last time because he said he would never let us be happy and would make our lives hell. He said he wanted to put her in hospital to get her out the way! He says she's ruined his life! I felt it was easier to just go back to him, he hadn't done anything wrong for me to leave, he does make me happy and tries his best for our family. So I just thought right I will make it work. Anyway fast forward and I couldn't! I felt so guilty because I kept thinking about her constantly and just wanted to speak to her (i didn't) so after asking me what was wrong I blurted out I wasn't happy and he left 3 days later (me and the kids stayed out of the house till he was gone, even though it is my house) fast forward again to Sunday! It all kicked off, he came to pick the kids up to take to my mums, which I didn't know about (my mum has disowned me for being a bisexual) and the girl was at my house, she hid upstairs but when he realised she was there (after getting the kids in the car) he said I wasn't having the kids back and I am a bad mum and they were not my priority! I went to my sisters and she said for me to go to my mums and talk to him rationally. I went and low and behold it wasn't just me and him speaking, my parents got involved too! I got very upset and felt like I was being bullied by 3 people going on at me how I've changed and I'm not the same person anymore! Anyway after 2 hours of this my mum apologised for some of the hurtful things she has said and asked me and xdp to go out in the car and talk just us 2. I didn't really see the point but went anyway. He is so heart broken and literally has nothing left, he has no where to live (currently staying at his uncles) he shut out his family because they didn't like me, he stopped seeing his first daughter because her mum wouldn't have her around me! Although just to add he isn't all sweetness and light! The first daughter was conceived with his ex by cheating on me and her having the baby! I couldn't tell you how many times he has lied and cheated on me. But has seemed to have turned a corner since our last child was born a year ago! (Been together 5 yrs) my parents seem to have forgotten all this crap has put me through and now thinks the sun shines out of him! I totally understand what I've done is heart braking. But I didn't think it was right to stay with someone when I had such strong feelings for someone else, whether it be a woman or man! Anyway in the car he suggested that I go away for a few days so I can make a proper informed decision about what I want! They all said it was a rash decision to leave, which it kind of was as I don't have even five minutes to wee in peace let alone think about life choices! I am now staying with a friend in a different city for 4 days and agreed to have no contact with either of them so I could figure stuff out. However I am no further forward! If I'm with xdp I could be happy by just blocking out my feelings for her I suppose, it's obviously better for our kids that way, I wouldn't struggle for money at all, and I would still have my parents around. If I stayed with my girl I would only see her at weekends for the next year as she is working away, has no money and neither would I. I'll lose my parents (everyone else supports and likes her) and xdp will probably put us through hell! I literally don't have a clue what to do!
If you've gotten this far... Wow thank you xx