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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ok so this is embarrassing...am i a freak???

20 replies

toomanyregrets · 11/08/2015 00:47

hi all
i know this may sound stupid but its such a huge problem...
ive been with my partner 2 years and our sex life is very up and down, like nothing for ages but then its mindblowing when it happens.
problem is my sex drive is so so high..off the charts high ive never met any bloke who can keep up or any of my female friends say they are nowhere near on my level :(
ive been sat googling ways of trying to kill it because my partners sex drive is fairly low and anytime he says no the rejection guts me.
my friends laugh and joke that i should have been born a guy and say my partner must love it but he doesnt and i just feel like a freak
i just want to be able to lie in bed and cuddle my partner without feeling desperate for more
hes in bed atm i cant even lie next to him as i feel like a sex pest
pls someone tell me whats wrong with me???
id never EVER cheat on my partner and dont want to leave him so need to find a way to kill my sex drive....
hence why im sat here googling and crying
hoping you lovely ladies will have some words of wisdom

OP posts:

justjuanmorebeer · 11/08/2015 00:48

I'm like this. I started a thread on it recently in the sex topic. You are not alone. It has caused problems in every relationship I have ever had.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2015 00:50

I think your GP is the best place to start.

Try to curb the emotive language though and just explain the problem

Good luck

Original poster

toomanyregrets · 11/08/2015 00:52

thank you for saying im not alone as it felt that way
have you found any way to reduce it?
could it be made worse by the hormones in the pill?
people joke and think its a good thing but its not
i hate being me with this id rather have no sex drive than this

OP posts:

Eekaman · 11/08/2015 00:53

You definitely are not a freak - good luck.

Original poster

toomanyregrets · 11/08/2015 00:54

i cant imagine going to my gp and saying my sex drive is too high...im really shy in real life

OP posts:

CordeliaFoxx · 11/08/2015 00:55

Get the depo injection - kills your sex drive flat! Sorry not very helpful but true!

Zillie77 · 11/08/2015 01:37

Can you perhaps resolve to masturbate on a regular basis, even twice a day if needed, so that lowers your level of urgency a bit? Perhaps you are already doing this, I don't know. It might help take the edge off so that you don't need your partner all of the time, given that his drive is less than yours.

magiccatlitter · 11/08/2015 06:51

most anti depressants will tone down your sex drive

Pippioddstocking · 11/08/2015 06:55

Yes please do see your GP, it's a recognised condition and there are things they can give you for it if you would like .

sebsmummy1 · 11/08/2015 07:11

I can recommend pregnancy. First trimester you feel so sick the last thing you want is your partner to touch you. As it progresses you feel as fat as a whale and once the baby is born sleep deprecation is an excellent libido dampener.

justjuanmorebeer · 11/08/2015 19:54

It's a recognised condition? What? really? I have googled and googled over the years and found nothing at all to suggest this other than it being a stmptom of having Bi polar.

OP I am on the pill, one that is an androgen blocker so in theory this should curb mine but it doesn't. I am still ridiculously horny every day. I even feel like I want it during my period.

It could be your pill amplifying things maybe so you could try another maybe as an option. Is it causing resentment between you and your partner?

pocketsaviour · 11/08/2015 20:38

Hyper-arousal is a medical condition but it's not clear this is what the OP has.

OP, how often would you want sex if you could? How often do you masturbate? Is it specifically sex you're wanting, or is there an emotional need as well, for intimacy and closeness?

Twinklestein · 12/08/2015 10:52

You don't need drugs you just need a man with a comparable sex drive.

Original poster

toomanyregrets · 12/08/2015 10:58

it is starting to cause problems yes..
i feel like a sex pest and feel rejected everytime my partner isnt up for it
i feel frustrated all day and is on my mind constantly even at work
i dont know what to do to stop how im feeling or how to explain to my partner that its really getting to me
i think he finds it a turn on that im constantly wanting him but more as an ego thing rather than hes up for it more often
i could quite happily have sex the whole time were together the way im feeling and dont seem to be able to even sit next to him watching tv without trying it on which i think is starting to annoy him

OP posts:

TheMarxistMinx · 12/08/2015 12:12

A friend of mine recently told me she was having this problem, but she is single. She is also very emotionally up and down, prone to depressive spells, has insomnia and she is quite demanding in terms of the amount of reassurance and attention she requires in a relationship.

Interesting to see someone has made a link btw bi-polar and high sex drive, I would add possibly that there may be a correlation btw BPD and this issue.

I think counselling is your best bet, because I think the mix of hormones, possible underlying low self-esteem, or emotional distress/ early upset in life, attachment issues, are best dealt with rather than seeking a drug that will simply deal with a symptom of something else. You could also ask for a referral to endocrine to have hormone levels looked at in detail. Could be any number of reasons and probably a combination of things.

I might be wrong, but I do think that for women the causes of this are more likely psychological than medical/biological. Whatever the reasons or cause, you are not a freak.

TheFunk · 19/08/2015 17:35

OP you are completely normal. We are sexual beings. Many people's natural sex drive is depleted nowadays by modern lifestyles. All that has happened here is your sex drive and your partner's are mismatched. You need a partner with a matching sex drive.

For what it's worth, when I used to be on prescription medications, drank alcohol and smoked, I wasn't that interested in sex. After I stopped the meds, quit drinking and smoking, my health improved overall and my sex drive went through the roof. I'm exactly the same as you. And I'm 38. A high sex drive in a woman is not a disorder, it is perfectly normal. What is not normal is never wanting sex, although people will try to tell you that is normal. It isn't.

springydaffs · 19/08/2015 17:54

Nothing for ages? Perhaps that's why you're gagging for it, you're starved. Perhaps if you got it more regularly it would even out.

I had a problem with this when I was younger single. I asked an acupuncturist if they could do anything and she looked at me blankly and said they usually work on turning it up, not down.

If being starved isn't the issue or being in a crap relationship it could be seen by you as a means of affection? A sex therapist may be able to shed light on it.

TheFunk · 19/08/2015 18:38

I'd be more inclined to be asking why the bloke doesn't seem to want it very often. The real issue is that he seems to have a low sex drive, not that the female has an overly high one.

SniffsAndSneezes · 20/08/2015 01:20

I'd suggest speaking to your GP as well and looking at the option of a light antidepressant. I was on them for a while a few years back- my libido is probably slightly lower than average but they flattened it for me!
Are you and your DP affectionate with each other in other ways? My DP and I are very tactile with each other, always cuddling and kissing, but we don't actually have sex that often really.

Smilingforth · 20/08/2015 07:50

I agree the GP sounds like the right option. You will just have to be careful that it doesn't take you from one extreme to the other.

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