Old friends - is there any point anymore?

[Lostlostlow]

I feel lost and could really do with some wise MN advice.

I am 30. I used to be part of a close groups of friends from school/uni, but since age 22 I went into a very competitive career and I sort of lost touch with many of these people. As the years went on, my job became less demanding and less competitive, as I am happy with where I am at and have achieved what I want (for now, anyway!).

So, during this time I also had a long term bf. We broke up in December last year. I have wanted to get back in touch with everyone from what era of my life (they all still meet up and are close, pics on fb etc). But I know for a fact that a couple of them feel I ditched them... And weren't very nice about it. This was never the situation, I just didn't physically have the time as I moved away to do further education and then worked out of town where they are based. I explained this a couple of years back and they weren't very nice - said one day I would regret this and I cared too much about my career.

I have lots of friends now who are a lot more understanding than this group from school. But I feel left out. Would you bother trying with them or just move forwards? I have a bit of an anxiety problem so I tend to worry and like to make things right with absolutely everyone I know of - so maybe it's more about that than actually wanted to re connect with them.

what would you do? Is it worth it?

Well, I think you didn't have time for them then and they don't have time for you now. Sorry to be so harsh. Leave it be

I don't think I would try to return, not to a group anyway, because it's clear that you moved away from them and on from them til your boyfriend dumped you and it's only that really that has made you want to get back in touch. If you have put out feelers in the past and they are not interested, why go back to get rejected? Ultimately as Rugby said, you didn't have time for them in the past and they've moved on and cemented their group- if you have other good friends I would stick with those.

I agree you need to accept when you make other things a priority and show people they aren't important to you and just a backup they may not want that type of friendship.

Slightly different situation but I had two groups of friends when I was in my late teens that I was close to but I met my husband and grew apart from them and didn't really see them. After 15 years of being with my husband (who turned out to be a bit of a cunt) I left him and gradually got in touch with both sets of friends. I am now as close to them as I was before and getting back in touch was the best thing I ever did.

If they are real friends it won't matter how long it has been since you saw them and they will understand how your life just got too hectic. And if they don't the they are not worth bothering about, but you don't want to spend your life wondering if you should have made contact. Do it.

I've never been into friendship groups. They are by their nature fragile and fluid. It's impossible to keep things exactly the same, freeze everything in time. People's lives move in different directions and at different rates. And cliques are just too stressful to try to deal with on top of more important life pressures (job, bills, family etc) - all that working out whether you've upset them, who said what to whom, gossip gossip gossip etc.

So my advice is not to try to reconcile the unreconcilable, its a futile exercise. You are where you are in your life's journey, move forward leave the past behind. Maybe think about forging friendships with people who are at a similar point in their life, as there's a good chance you'll enjoy good times together.

If it were me I wouldn't bother getting back in touch; things change and people change. Sometimes the past is best left where it is.