Confused by DH

[RuffDiamond]

Hi all, am finding it difficult to sleep tonight because of DH.

I went out for the day and returned home to find DH had a friend over and was having a BBQ. I sat down and joined in instantly chatting to DH and his friend.

As the hours wore on, I could see DH was getting irritated and started tidying up and withdrawing from the BBQ. He looked annoyed and when I asked him what was wrong he would say nothing. But say nothing as though I was lazy and did literally nothing. I hadn't done nothing as I cleared away all the food and plates of the BBQ, even though I had had nothing to eat. He kept storming off as if he was in a mood and wouldn't engage with me.

His guest eventually got the message and went home, and DH pretty much ignored me, and sat in another room.

When I went to discuss what was wrong with him again, he replied nothing and refused to meet eye contact. I said there clearly is somethjng, please tell me. He said he was fed up with people turning up unexpectedly and out staying their welcome. I asked him why I felt like if was my fault, and he said he didn't know. I said because you are making me feel it is with your sulkiness.

I am feeling chilled and disturbed by this and can't sleep. I haven't done anything wrong apart from try and have a nice Saturday in the sunshine.

Not sure what I am asking. Just want feedback I guess.

Thanks

[WickedWax]

Sorry, I know it's bad form to bring up other threads, but it doesn't surprise me that it turns out your husband is an abusive twat out of the bedroom too.

You've done nothing wrong here.

[pocketsaviour]

Oh god I was just thinking I had seen your username recently.

You said on your previous thread that you thought he had no respect for you in or out the bedroom. Judging by yesterday's antics, I think you are right.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Of course he has done something, you wouldn't be feeling like crap if he hadn't done something. You need to start thinking how long do you want him to be able to do these things to you.

[VeganCow]

He is taking his pissed offness out on you, the nearest person to him. It sounds like when he has these paddys, things are not discussed afterwards when he is calm (next day, whenever) but forgotton and moved on, is that right?

[RuffDiamond]

Yes vegan. I try and discuss things but he minimises it and things carry on as if nothing has happened

[VeganCow]

The only way through is for him to listen and care that his behaviour is having an effect on you. He cannot minimise any longer. And he is unlikey to change something that he has minimised.

[JulietteMontague]

I think he was pissed off that his friend arrived and he had to deal with it. You had a nice day out so he was punishing you.

It doesn't really matter what the 'reason', he was horrible to you in public and private and yet still seems to thing this is ok. It isn't.

[RuffDiamond]

He was already supposed to be making an effort and a week or so later we are back to square one

[KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable]

He has extensive form for being a total dick for no reason.

Yet you kept asking him what was wrong, what you had done wrong. Why?

He had decided to be horrible to you. He likes being horrible to you. He likes you crawling and begging. He doesn't need a rational reason. Don't ask.

Ignore the rude fucker right back. Wait for his abject apology.

[Isetan]

You're going round in circles, its time to let go of the person you want him to be and accept him for who he is. These incidents aren't isolated, they're part of a pattern which he has no interest in breaking, leaving the ball firmly in your court.

Bullying or being bullied by your partner is not acceptable, please think very carefully about the relationship you are modelling for your children.

[RuffDiamond]

Isetan - i know this, but the trouble is it does not feel like a good reason to break up my family home as the moods and sulks are broken up with happy times.

[Isetan]

This man fundamentally does not respect you and you know it, the 'good times' can't compensate for continually being treated with contempt.
It's time to be honest with yourself, you're not staying for the 'good times', you're staying because you don't want to be alone/ financially worse off/ independent/ the instigator of a divorce etc. You are not the only one paying the price for your choice to stay with an abusive man.

[Jan45]

He's done nothing wrong, he blames you and takes his stupid moods out on you and then ignores you.

He really doesn't even care enough to pretend to like you, sorry OP, if I was you I'd be asking for separation, he either behaves with respect towards you or you are out, I take it by other posters there's a back story, in other words, more shit treatment from him.

[RuffDiamond]

I had a text from him today asking if I wanted to go for a run with him tonight! I have not responded, there was no apology and if I confront what happened he will just say he was annoyed with his friend. We also go on hol with his parents next week.

[googoodolly]

He sounds awful.

What do you get out of this relationship?

[amarmai]

he disturbed your sleep and your enjoyment of your home and family life. He's making out as if you are to blame and i hope your children and others do not beleive him. Ask the sister what she thought was going on and make sure she gets your side as it sounds as if he's setting up to scape goat you in a nasty way.

[TendonQueen]

Do you want to go on the holiday? Does he behave himself when his parents are around?

[RuffDiamond]

I do want to go to spend time with inlaws and son. Will definitely go. Will not enjoy playing happy families for DH winning my favour with good behaviour as I no longer trust it