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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to tell if someone is cheating?

24 replies

Reese123 · 08/08/2015 22:23

I just started a relationship, it's only been 6 weeks but I already think he's cheating on me. Signs he's cheating:

Every week around the same time he spends 2 nights away supposedly staying at a friends house
During one of the weeks I called him 3 times but he didn't answe
Takes his phone into the bathroom
Was sending text messages to someone late and had a dirty smile on his face

He was very attentive in the start, but that has dwindled greatly
Am I being neurotic? Let me have your thoughts please

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2015 22:27

Ugh when you said he had a dirty smile on his face, I shuddered.

It's been six weeks. There's no obligation to carry on seeing someone like that. He sounds bloody horrible, tbh. Dump him and find someone who deserves you.

magoria · 08/08/2015 22:28

It's been 6 weeks.

You don't trust him.

Go your separate way.

ladybird69 · 08/08/2015 22:32

Get out now, those are great big Red Flags. Sounds like he's keeping his options open!

Original poster

Reese123 · 08/08/2015 22:40

Ok I also did something stupid this week, I live near him so knocked on his door late when he said he was home. He said he was too tired to open it and his car was no where to be seen.

I know this is very neurotic behaviour and i am seeing him tomorrow to end it.

I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 08/08/2015 22:43

I'm really glad you're ending it.

6 weeks? Time to bail before you get sucked in to mega intense feelings. You shouldn't have to do the squinty eyes trying to suss out behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 08/08/2015 23:26

yes, end it.

CalleighDoodle · 08/08/2015 23:27

Why not just tell
Him Over the phone it isnt working for you? No need to drag itnout and see him in person. He is obviously a liar.

Original poster

Reese123 · 08/08/2015 23:31

Thank you for your advice

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 08/08/2015 23:32

I wouldn't tell him in person. It'll only get nasty. Either phone him or send a text. He likes his phone - let him use it!

winkywinkola · 09/08/2015 06:04

Too tired to open the front door to you? Oh dear. He's not in the thrall of a new relationship, is he? Which means he will treat you like you're disposable.

category1 · 09/08/2015 08:39

Good grief. Knock it on the head.

niceupthedance · 09/08/2015 09:38

Sounds like he may already have a partner to me.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/08/2015 09:43

6 weeks? Just bin! I can't believe you'd even drag it out to bother seeing him face to face.

Original poster

Reese123 · 09/08/2015 10:32

This sounds silly but I want answers to get closure and so I can move forward. This guy went so over the top with dates and gestures that it's hard to believe he is cheating on me and doesn't have feelings for me.

OP posts:

startagainonmonday · 09/08/2015 10:38

He went over the top early on when he didn't really know you yet so it was probably less to do with feelings for you, more about reeling you in.

Sorry you're hurting but he sounds like a bad'un.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 09/08/2015 10:43

Unfortunately what usually happens is that they run after you like a dog till they get you and then they loose interest (especially when sex is involved).. This is how some of them are, that's why try to spot the dodgy ones from the beginning

You're surely not in love with him after this are you?

CalleighDoodle · 09/08/2015 10:47

Reese he wont give you an explanation that youll find adequate. Just text him and move on.

Original poster

Reese123 · 09/08/2015 10:58

When I met him I thought he was different, I thought I had met a good one. How wrong could I be?

I just find it so incredibly hard to tell if guys are genuinely nice decent people or are dodgy characters that will end up breaking your heart.

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 09/08/2015 11:02

No you dont. You cane on here because you could tell the behaviour was out of order.

You problem is that you are going to accept this crappy behaviour from someone you hardly know.

13months · 09/08/2015 11:04

Please dont expose yourself to any more humiliation and hurt by wanting to talk to him and get closure. THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. Take back control - dump him with one text - no explanation and then emotionally cut off and move on. Good luck you can do this.

Original poster

Reese123 · 09/08/2015 12:19

I ended it, just constant excuses for everything. No answers to anything, just putting stuff back on to me.

I just feel sad now, I thought he was a really nice guy. We're in our 30's - I just didn't expect this type of behaviour from someone this age.

Can anyone tell me how to spot a decent human being for the future?

OP posts:

sleepsoftly · 09/08/2015 17:34

Experience, only experience. Then those conclusions are pretty instant.

pocketsaviour · 09/08/2015 17:35

After 6 weeks I wouldn't expect a fledgling relationship to be exclusive...

fairbalance · 09/08/2015 23:11

Hmmm. Sounds like an ex of mine. If his initials are AM! I can tell some stories. My ex dated 3 other women plus me! Until we all found about each other! The only thing AM was interested was his phone and his next ego boast on Facebook. Where he acted the ig I am and I know everything. He was very senior in the NHS. Scary :( He did the grand gestures etc early on. DUMP FAST.

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