DH claims I am messing up his "free time"

[MagersfonteinLugg]

Split with DH and he was all " oh I want my kids with as much as possible".
It turns out it was all blah blah blah as he is now moaning that having his DCs at the weekend is "messing up his routine" which consists of spending all morning on a Saturday reading the Sun ( not sure how it Thales 4 hours but there you go). Then it messes with him watching sky sports football till 7pm, then it messes with him watching the usual Saturday night crap.
Sunday he HAS to play golf.
I'm like we'll you either see your children or piss about with TV and golf.
Not sure what to do now as he can't have them in the week due to work and golf in Wednesday.
How do other ex couples cope?

[CalleighDoodle]

Why cant he have them fri-sun once a fortnight?

[butterflygirl15]

Normal contact is eow but sadly there is nothing you can do to force him to parent if he chooses not to.

[CalleighDoodle]

Although it might be worth remonding him that the less he has them, the more he pays you.

[SolidGoldBrass]

Make sure he communicates his reluctance to be a father via email and sort out other people to babysit when you want to do something child-free. Then stop chasing him and just ignore him (though make sure you get child support paid.) If you have everything via email then he can't suddenly (when he gets a new girlfriend he wants to impress with the old 'bitch won't let me see my kids' lies) take you to court claiming you are unreasonable: there will be proof of his selfishness and laziness.

[googoodolly]

Normal contact is once midweek and EOW. Can you get something official drawn up in mediation?

[mummy0bummy]

I can't help but he needs to get a grip. That's the reality of having children FFS! My children's father and I are still happily together and boy does having kids mess up our free time! Like this morning when we were woken up at 7am instead of having a lie-in. And that's what we deal with because we love our kids

Sorry not very helpful but I wanted to have a little rant for you. He's living on another planet.

[MagersfonteinLugg]

Thanks.
This was always my main worry when I first thought about leaving him..... that it would affect the DCs the most and it's the reason I stayed longer than I should.
Trying to explain it to them without slagging him off is really hard because I want them to see what a complete waste of dad space he is but I know I can't do it, they have to come to that realisation themselves.
Just makes me so bloody angry and you can bet when he does get a new girlfriend he will be all over them like a rash in order to show her what a fantastic dad he is. I know for a fact this will happen because its exactly what he did when he met me 15 years ago...slagged off his ex for not letting him see his DCs and sucker me believed it.

[CalleighDoodle]

When ive had dates with men who have said that my reaction has ALWAYS been to think WHY does she not want him to have contact.

[Reginafalangie]

Why are you explaining it to them? Make him explain why he doesn't want to see them.

It is hard as you are the one feeling guilty and trying to protect the children from seeing how feckless their father is.
Stop protecting him OP. It isn't about slagging him off but you need to give him the responsibility of dealing with the children.

"Mum why can't we see dad this weekend?"
"I don't know sweetheart, you need to ask your dad"

I hate feckless fathers.

[lunar1]

Don't worry, they will work it out. Did he lose contact completely with his first children?

[MagersfonteinLugg]

He did get to see them on weekends.
He would pick them up sat morning but never took them anywhere, just left them to their own devices whilst he watched football.
Sunday he would take them to "visit" grandma whilst he played golf.
Course when I came along he had live in childcare. Looking back now I cannot believe how gullible I was.
Anyway he only sees them ocassionaly now, usually when they want something so karma kicked in there.

[blueistheonlycolourwefeel]

My ex used to moan about seeing his daughter and that he "wanted some free time" when he wasn't at work. I organised with her mum to do eow when we could (shift workers) and it worked well apart from him complaining.
We split 2 years ago. He's not seen his daughter since February and speaks to her about once every 2 months. He's not seen his son, my biological child, for 18 months and NEVER contacts him.

[SurlyCue]

he is now moaning that having his DCs at the weekend is "messing up his routine

Why are you listening to him moaning? Just dont entertain him. He either comes to get them or he doesnt, if he doesnt, you text him and say he needs to explain to DC why he isnt coming. You dont make excuses for him and dont take excuses from him. Basically, you do not care why he isnt coming. Stop listening to him. Tell him his options are "come or dont come" there is no option for excuses as you are not a listening service.

[lavenderhoney]

Do it all on email. Keep a record, if he does it in text keep the text.

If you are comfortable with them not going ( and it sounds like they aren't too keen) email him very weeknd and say do you still want the DC this weeknd? They have football, swimming and plan to see friends. If you are having them here are the details of all their planned activities and where you need to be and what you need to take' see you at 8.00am! The DC are looking forward to you cooking them a full English! AT YOUR PLACE:)