My life is no different in theory to those around me who I admire and want to be like. So why do I feel lonely and paranoid, and why do I want to be someone else?
I have a good job that interests me (the type of job that other people are impressed by and are interested in as well). I have enough money to do a few of the things that I enjoy, but not enough to make me ungrateful for what I have. My family, although they irritate me sometimes, are always there for me and we speak nearly every day. I am by no meals model material, but I don't find it hard to find men to chat to (have been online dating and met some great people - just not the right one yet). I have the ability to make people laugh and think I have a good sense of humour - I can laugh at myself as well!
BUT, for some reason, I am obsessed with being like other people and I feel paranoid that people are talking about me in a bad way. A while ago I had a fall out with a friend who thought I hadnt made an effort for a long time, and it blew up and sort of resolved but we keep our distance (mainly because we live far apart). I feel like our mutual friends dislike me, though they have not said this and they still talk to me. I have no evidence that they dislike me but I often feel like people are talking about me in a bad way and laughing at me.
Secondly, I tend to become obsessed with certain people I am friends with or that I know. I will look them up on facebook and talk to them and just wish I had their life and imagine their life beyond the things they have told me and I imagine it is amazing. And I don't know why because mostly their life is the same as mine - similar jobs and similar looks and so on. I dont get why I feel like this.
I have been single since January and I am 29. I feel very isolated because of this and all my friends are in relationships. Maybe that is something to do with it, I dont know.
Please help me to enjoy being me again, not someone else, and to stop having such paranoid thoughts.