I'm being so pathetic! Why do I care what the homophobes think?!

[littlemissboozy]

Hi,

In a long term relationship with a woman. We're very happy and we're naturally very affectionate with each other. Now, I understand there's a time and a place for this sort of thing and whereas I'm not anti PDAs, I certainly wouldn't think snogging my gfs face off in public, was appropriate. It wouldn't have been with bfs either. This is just my opinion obviously. What I want to be able to do without raised eyebrows, tuts, or stares, is hold my dps hand, maybe give her a kiss on the cheek, or a peck on the lips, but this doesn't seem possible apparently.

My dp will often grab my hand when we're in public, but I sometimes subtly move my hand away, to avoid unwanted attention, which we have had on several occasions unfortunately.

I'm not doing it because I'm ashamed, I just don't want any trouble. I'm angry at myself for not just going with it and do what feels so natural.

I know it upsets my dp, although she never really says and I absolutely resent that. All I want to do is be an out and open couple, without worrying about the consequences.

Am I being ridiculous?

Should I just say bollocks to them?! Or can anyone understand /relate to my caution? It makes me so angry, but also, incredibly sad.

Thanks for reading.

I just want to point out that if someone is bigoted enough to say something nasty to your face, then it is likely that they are unhinged in a whole lot of other ways as well as being homophobic. For this reason, I would not engage in any confrontation with them. They are unreasonable and potentially violent and not the sort of person who will be educated by your response. So best to look after yourself and not engage with these people. I don't mean to let homophobia go unchallenged but just to pick carefully who you challenge. I am not gay but I have many gay friends. I will challenge homophobia amongst a bunch of straight friends/acquaintances but no way would I challenge an aggressive stranger.

I personally don't like pda irrespective of people's sexuality and I know it upsets my dh that I don't like to hold hands in public that much. I wouldn't be bothered by two women, two men or a man and a woman sharing a peck on the cheek or holding hand, I just don't like to myself.I think some people who full on grope each other are just disrespectful to other people.
If you and your girlfriend want to hold hands, I think you should. Some people are small minded and homophobic but that is their problem not yours.

Glass, your post was refreshingly uplifting I agree that the more of us do it, the more normal it will become. That's another reason I feel so torn. I feel like I have a duty/obligation to be out and proud. As I already mentioned, it makes me feel so happy when I see a gay couple being affection in public, so surely I could help others by doing the same....... I need to be brave don't I?

I do completely understand why you might feel apprehensive about it, I was very similar when I first met dp, I'm a naturally anxious everyone is looking at me! type person anyway where as gf is the opposite very outgoing and has a 'so what' attitude to most things, although she never forced it I could see the hurt in her face if I brushed her off in public and she quickly made me realise that actually most people don't even notice. One tip that helps is don't even look at anyone else don't anticipate any reaction just do what comes naturally to you the more you relax about it you might even notice the odd smile and you'll realise most people really aren't phased by it and if they are then so what, we are doing them a favour really by forcing them to see it and normalise it. So yep be brave, I'm sure you can