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DM dominates my DC so other GPs don't get a look-in

3 replies

Yukky · 05/08/2015 15:05

We have four sets of grandparents between us as our parents are divorced. At a family event recently my mother hogged the children so much that they other sets didn't get much time with them at all. She is a very overbearing/strong/dominant (narc possibly) character and loves to be the centre of attention.

I don't know how to handle the situation because DM is so ridiculously sensitive that WW3 might break out if I said anything to her, if past incidents are anything to go by.

I've not said anything to the other parents because I don't feel I should take responsibility for her behaviour but I know they are a bit upset by it. They would never expect me to do anything about it either as they know it's her, and not me. They don't speak up or step in either - mainly I think because DM is pretty intimidating and very clever about comandeering a situation so that it's difficult to do so.

So it's this weird situation where DM dominates every fucking family event and no one says anything yet everyone is annoyed or upset by it.

Gaaaaaah.

OP posts:

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goddessofsmallthings · 05/08/2015 15:31

Surely someone's got the balls nous to give your dm 10 minutes of hogging before they go up to her and say 'Come along now, dc, Granny X needs a rest and (other dgp) is waiting to show you (something in the garden/next room or similar) and march them off in quick order?

If none of them are willing to take the bull by the horns, it'll be down to you and/or your dh to lead it by the ring through its nose to places where the dc aren't at family gatherings.

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mynewpassion · 05/08/2015 16:01

Don't say anything to her but run interference. The other GPs probably don't want WW3 to break out at a family gathering either.

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Yukky · 05/08/2015 19:30

I had the opportunity to talk to my dad about it this evening and he said he's noticed but it's fine. He says they (ie he and my stepmum) are confident enough in their relationship with us and the dc that he doesn't need to vy for their attention at family gatherings and that he knows that as the children get older they will assert their own preferences over who they hang out with at such events. He doesn't feel like they are missing out because they have lots of other QT with the dc. I'd never really thought of it like that so was pleased he shared this viewpoint.

Thank you atilla for the pm.