Disclaimer: I'm not a mom, I am posting here because the community looks active and on the mature side, and I really really need some good advice from experience now ...
So I really liked this guy. He’s basically my version of Prince Charming. Amazingly good-looking, great career, personality, education, family background, etc. also mind blowing sex. The best guy I’ve ever dated, in the sense of “market value”.
We dated 4 months, saw each other 3 or 4 times a week. I could tell he enjoyed spending a lot time with me, just hanging out and having conversations. He gave me his apartment keys in the first month and welcomed me to stay at his place all the time, even when he's away.
Then there came a point when I realized he truly didn’t want a committed relationship. He said so at the beginning, but we acted like a couple. And I was so carried away so just ignored it, since he's growing more and more attached to me. We agreed to be exclusive in the beginning, so I thought as long as we are only seeing each other, it’s technically a relationship.
Then one day, I found out he was in a LDR with a girl when we started dating. They had been LDR for three or four months since he moved here before he met me and apparently things did not work out. They never see each other (It's a 12 hour-flight). Yet he never told me about it, just claimed he was single and haven't dated for a few months when we met. He never officially broke up with the LD girl either, at least according to what I saw she wrote him 2 month ago, which is into 2 months we started dating.
She said she deeply loved him but he's gone cold in the past few months and could never be reached (of course he was with me all the time). She rambled on in long long paragraphs in the letter, that she really tried hard to make it work. It enraged me cuz my "bf" didn't even have the gut to inform her he met someone else.
The day I found out about this girl, I confronted him. His face darkend, eyes widened, looked scared and got all defensive. He declared he really ended it long ago and stopped responding (I guess he meant ghosting). Also he wanted to stay single for a while. He claimed to be disillusioned about love and how things are determined by circumstances. My guess is he did try to make their LDR work at first, gave up after a while, didn't have the courage to officially end things.
"But we agreed to be exclusive in the first place, while you were still responding to that girl" I said and "you lied to me, I don't know if I can trust you anymore".
He became visibly stressed, of course claimed the classic "I told you in the beginning I never wanted a relationship".
Then he apologized, claimed really liked me but he doesn't know where he's at, regarding career, life goals. He might move to another city next year and isn't ready to settle. Thus, he doesn't want to start something serious here and become disappointed again later.
I was devastated of course. I thought we had built a strong connection for the past five months. Now I realized the feelings weren't equal, he never took me seriously. So I cried and said I loved him, but had to leave. Not only coz he lied, but also coz he didn't respect me enough to be his long term girlfriend.
He was apparently distressed as well, slightly trembling and crying as I gave him back the keys. He begged me to stay and talk tomorrow. I didn't.
I went directly to NC. He texted me on Day 3, said he was sorry, asked how I am and wanted to talk if possible. And a few texts after that. I didn't reply.
Today is NC Day 15, I still feel awful, lonely and depressed. He has great great qualities and will be a terrific bf if we meet in a different time or place. I want to go back when he sorts his shit out with the other girl, when he is ready to take risk again. My instincts tell me to give it another shot.
I plan to contact him after one or two months, see where he's at then. However. I am also scared that during NC he'd assume I had firmly closed the door, thus move on as well. The truth is I miss him all the time and it's killing me inside.
Please let me know if you think what I am doing makes sense at all. Any advice is very very much appreciated! Thank you.