DH driving me MAD!!!!

[LittleMonkeysMum]

Sorry for inevitable ramble!
I'm a sahm for our 13m dd, and 8 m pg with dc2. I am absolutely knackered, all I want to do all day is try to grab anap when DD sleeps, but at the moment can;t seem to. Have a load of blinds to make before new baby is born and they take ages, and definitely won;t have a chance to do them after new baby. I cook a meal from scratch for OH every night, and then I clear up after the meal. For a while, he cleared up, but it just wasn't working, it made more work for me as he would and does typically do the following, these are just examples, it can be much worse:
*put a teaspoon back in the drawer if he has 'only' used it to get a tea bag out with

• make a half baked attempt to dry glasses without washing them if only water has been drunk out of them.
• His washing up really has to be seen to be believed, it is unbelievable, I know other peole say their oh's are bad, but honestly I've never seen anything like this!
• He always puts wet things back in the cupboard, so I have to go through and dry stuff the following day. Last night, he was supposed to be going out, and I was going to get on with the blinds, but he changed mind and agreed to cook dinner (for the first time in about 2 months) to 'help' me. Dinner was nice (he only does one dish, but thank goodness, it's fine!). Then he agreed to load the dishwasher, so I had to sneak in to the kitchen afterwards to put the plates in the right way round so they don;t jam the spinny thing, and turn the bowls etc upside down (!!!). Then I asked him later if he would mind putting in a dishwasher tablet and switching it on. I've been really busy today so have only just realised that he put in a laundry tablet! It's so annoying, of course the stuff isn;t clean and needs re-washing. I honestly think he does some of these things on purpose so that he doesn;t have to do anything. Then he went to bed before me whilst I was still working, and feeling exhausted and was asleep by the time I came to bed. Grrrrr. What can I do with him? It drives me mad. I normally manage to cope with it by just accepting that I have to do everything myself, but he was really horrible last night, and this morning (had a row and he actually ignored DD as we waved goodbye at him through the window), and it makes me feel a lot less tolerant. I have no intention of leaving him, but have to admit that on balance my life would be easier if I didn;t have to look after him as well! Right, sorry about that, feel much better having sounded off. Anyone else got over problems like these, found a good coping strategy etc?

Radley,why do you let him be like this?????

Is there a male friend (father, brother, colleague etc) who could come to your house, see the situation for himself and exclaim "my wife would not stand for that in a million years!"

Sounds familiar...my DH has one chore I ask of him to clean the floor once a week and I was seething when he told me his mom asked him why couldnt I do it as he works and I'm looking after our 13 week baby at home all day. The onyl way I got him to clean the floors on his hands and knees was because I said it turned me on lol!

I think we're all with the same man!

My DP is not really that useless as he does know how to do a lot of things like DIY and fixing things, but he's quite purposefully crap with housework. His mum never made him do anything (actually they were well off so had a permanent cleaning lady) and neither did his ex wife (read surrogate mother but that's another story).

If I ask him to look after DD for a couple hours he's exhausted afterwards and think that's excused him from other tasks for the rest of the day. Putting things correctly, or even at all, in the dishwasher is beyond him, as is the washing machine or even putting away his clean clothes. To be fair he does hoover at weekends but that's it.

What really drives me up the wall about this is that he will make the odd comment about how untidy the house is but it would never occur to him to do anything about it himself. I always have to point this basic fact out to him. There really is no excuse as I work longer hours than he does (and, if we want to be pedantic, earn more), so it's not even as if he's in a position to criticise. When I was at home on mat leave he was extremely lazy, expecting me to do everything, which I found quite disgusting and TBH nearly split us up.

The sad thing is his DS (my SS) is growing up exactly the same as his mother is of the old-fashioned servile mentality whereby having the Y chromosome means you really should expect to be waited on hand and foot. Another generation ruined.

I wonder why you are with these men?
It must be sooooooo offputting.

I always remember Rickman saying once that she had left her bloke for doing things that other MNers seemed to put up with.
I know what she means!

I put up with him because there's so much more to life than housework.
He's great with our son and shares the responsibilities equally. The toilet thing was a long time ago now.... to be fair.
The main challenge is to start as you mean to go on when you first move in - I'm not his mother which is why I've never run round after him and he does his own laundry, ironing etc. But if that's not the way other women started out, it's not easy to adjust after several years - when you realise you're the only one doing the housework.

This whole post has made me think - how do I make sure my son (now 5) grows up taking a fair part in his future domestic life.
Top tips on reasonable chores for a five year old, and how to ensure they're done, anybody?

My DH actually said that he thought that it was not a childs job to be doing household jobs and he saw no reason why our DD, (and later additions to family) should know how to do household jobs!! Needless to say, I have bullied that viewpoint out of him, and he agrees now that it is not healthy to send children out in to the world unable to look after themselves, or anyone else properly.
Perhaps you could start by getting ds to take his laundry down to a suitable location when it needs to be done, my mum made us clear the table after meals, and washing up etc etc, but not till older than 5. Look forward to hearing other peoples replies to this.
Moondog, it is offputting, it makes me really angry and I get frustrated with him for his uselessness, selfishness and stubborness (sp).
However, he's very entertaining, I still fancy him, he's a fab Daddy, he earns a good wage and works hard, he is supportive of my decision to sahm, and I do love him. You guys not having to deal with this sort of thing are lucky, it's really hard. He didn;t misrepresent himself when we met, I've always known he's incompetent at these things, but I still married/reproduced with him.
I'm going to be trying a load of the ideas people have posted here, and if that doesn;t work, I'm going to resort to violence!!

I suppose that also DH would never consider that his behaviour would in any way make me want to leave him, i.e. he doesn't see it as being that important or serious, I suppose it's a matter of communicating the fact that it is important and serious without actually threatening to leave.