Why can't I just let this go?

[Katie2001]

A year ago, someone I was at school with made contact with me on Facebook. We went out for the evening and it was nice, but I heard nothing from him for a few months. He then said he was coming down (lives up north) so I invited him to a friend's birthday party but he didn't reply. He got back in contact with me in October time and we messaged quite a lot (via Facebook). I went up North to see him in December and things happened which I now regret (he didn't stay over with me in the hotel as he had to work the next day). The day before New Years Eve I found out (via Facebook!) he had been seeing someone else since October. He asked me twice to meet up again in February and March this year and has cancelled both times. If a friend had told me this about a bloke I'd be telling them what an idiot he is. So why can't I just do the same and move on?

Is it because you slept with him you think? That maybe you were expecting more and were hurt when you found out he was involved with someone else.

And the reason you can't move on is that you psychologically want to get one over on him and have him come crawling back to you?

Did you have any history with him at school?

(this firmly supports my view that no good comes from Facebook).

So he decides when he gets in touch and you jump, really OP, are you that surprised you've now found out he's been seeing someone.

Unless he is Brad Pitt and unbelievably good at sex, I think it's probably because you don't have enough in your life and you are going back to him out of nothing better to do, go find something better, surely you can find better than him.

Thanks Cheers, I don't think it helps that I was being really cautious due to my previous relationship, and he chased and chased until I felt more confident, then this happened. We had no real history at school, I remembered him as shy and quiet, but clearly that's changed!

So why can't I just do the same and move on?

Aah the triumph of hope over experience.

I completely agree Jan, I have a really full life with lots going on, I just fell for him really hard and I just feel a bit foolish to say the least.

As soon as a guy stops getting in touch or is infrequent, unreliable, that tells you everything.

I think you are far too nice and are too quick to allow men to pick you up and drop you, until you decide these types are not for you it will keep happening.

Good, you are not bored, you just need a bit more practice at spotting the chancers.

I was being really cautious due to my previous relationship, and he chased and chased until I felt more confident, then this happened.

Ah well this probably makes it worse for you. If you held off to see if he was serious and then you get totally shafted. It's not surprising it has left a feeling of rawness.

But really you need to go total no contact with this guy. Delete numbers, emails, facebook friending. All of it. Like he never was. Sound like you are still vulnerable to him and no contact is usually the best remedy.

Thanks very much all.

There was a thread recently on limerence, which I found very helpful in explaining my feelings about certain men from my past. Limerence is a sort of unreasonable infatuation that feels overwhelming. OP, maybe it would help you too? I'm sure it's searchable.

I'm sorry you're unhappy. I agree that, sadly, no contact is best.

Thank you Feawen I will look that up.