Yesterday, I got pissed at my husband because he told his mom something I specifically told him not to tell anyone.
I asked him, why did he tell? He said, if his mom asks him anything, he finds it hard not to answer.
I didn't talk to him for a few hours and then when I did, he told me something he's been keeping to himself for a long time. He thinks it's also the reason why he has a problem with sex (lacks desire).
He said he's been researching, and he fits all the symptoms of a parentified child. I've always known they were close, and sometimes I feel they are too close, but I didn't want to say anything because I might be deemed malicious.
One time, he told me that his mom told him details about his parents' sex life (mom and dad had problems in the bedroom as well) and I thought, well, that was inappropriate.
Apparently he grew up with her mom depending on him for emotional support. Even when he was a child she would tell him about her problems with other people, mostly with the dad.
I always tell him that their (his and siblings') apathy towards their dad is not proportional to the bad things the dad supposedly did. When I asked him what bad things he did to them I was expecting that they were physically abused, etc (I was a battered child) but apparently the dad was emotionally distant, sarcastic and not generous with praises. However their disgust for him seemed too over the top - and I have long suspected it's because the mom made them be that way towards him.
Anyway he said his mom would sleep beside him even well into adulthood, would be hugging him like a child and he thought that was normal. I thought the mom was just being protective of him because he was diagnosed to have bipolar disorder more than a decade ago (he's been in remission since) but now I can see that it was more of parentification than anything else.
He also said he thinks his problem with sex stems from this. I am admittedly bothered that he lacks sex drive and I feel unwanted but I am kind of used to this already after so many years. I asked him if he thinks he is gay, and he said he does not feel any sexual desire for men but he does not feel very masculine/macho either.
I've been in a daze since that conversation. I don't know what to do. I love my husband very much but should I let him go? I mean he says he's not gay but he does not seem sexually attracted to me either. Lack of sex aside, he's a very gentle, very kind man and he cares for me deeply and treats me really well.
At this point, we are more like best friends and roommates than husband and wife because of the lack of sex.