I'm dreading going on holiday with dh

[Fallentree]

Next week we're due to go on a two week holiday (with 2 dc). Our marriage really isn't in a good way at the moment due to various issues and I'm already dreading spending two weeks together. We barely spend any time together now so the thought of every day together is quite a worry. Last year our holiday was quite tense, we're only going for the dc this time. Has anyone found that going on holiday has actually made things worse?

I think things are most tense when a decision hasn't been made. I went in May for a weekend break to legoland with my ex h and the children. We had separate rooms and that really helped. The holiday we had before we broke up was much much worse. When everyone knows where they stand it is quite a lot easier to do things together IMO/E so if you haven't already made a decision either to separate or try then do before you go, would be my advice.

Have you told him yet that the marriage is over?

I did this OP in the dying days of my marriage. I had booked us all a fabulous activity holiday ages before and as we were going for counselling at the time agreed a deal with STBXH. We were to spend the fortnight practising being nice to each other, enjoying the holiday and not having heavy conversations or discussing difficult stuff. The kids had a fantastic time and in public XH was fun and friendly.
BUT as soon as the bedroom or cabin or tent door/flap was closed he started badgering me about our relationship and insisting on sex. I think in hindsight he was terrified of me leaving and was quite unable to stop himself. Also the non consensual sex was actually rape although I have never confronted that thought. He made things ten times worse and I ended up afraid to be alone with him. I actually left him less than a month later.
If he had stuck to the deal and just let me relax and enjoy the activities and the DC it might have made things better between us but he couldn't do that. He just couldn't see that his continual need to express his feelings was damaging his chances of achieving what he wanted.
If I had known he was unable to stick to the deal I wouldnt have gone.

Don't go OP!

Oddly, the last family holiday we had before we separated was really great although I dreaded it beforehand. The kids loved it (then aged 18, 16, 14) and I have some good memories of it, too, as does ExH. I looked at photos from that holiday recently and we all look happy - even the dog! - and I remember feeling happy for a large part of the time. Things had been tough beforehand and were afterwards, too; it was only recently that I discovered that ExH had already begun what became his exit affair before that holiday. During that holiday I even had hope that things might get better for us all. I don't think that ExH had that hope, but he enjoyed the holiday; he is an expert at compartmentalisation, though.

I don't know if it made a difference that the holiday was to a place which we all knew and loved (we'd holidayed there 5 times before) and was like a second home without many of the negative associations of our actual home.

Ugh, I hit "post" too soon. I wish you all the best, OP, and hope that you can at least have some fun with your kids this holiday.

I was badgered/bullied into doing this by my STBEH. I think the kids probably enjoyed it, but I found it incredibly stressful putting on a front with no real escape. It was a mistake - I would refuse to go/cancel.

I'd go. It could be ok, depending on how you manage it. You'll be in a different location, and if you really can't stand the thought of his presence plan to do things separately.

I'm in a similar position to you. Relationship over, but had a short holiday with dd and friend and it turned out ok. We travelled separately, which helped.

I did this we had booked a holiday prior to us separating for 10 days, I couldn't cancel it else I'd lose hundreds he wouldn't go on his own with the kids and he wouldn't let me go on my own with the kids and they kept asking why isn't dad going. So I bit my tongue and went, again was awkward and didn't want to be alone with him as he kept badgering me about why I married him etc then he was bored as he doesn't like sitting in the sun then he just hovered around me which irritated me! We had a couple of nice family evenings but overall I was glad to get home, it seemed to highlight to me how different we were too which also confirmed my decision to leave.