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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am the worlds worst parent

2 replies

cojmum · 01/08/2015 21:58

I need help and I don't know where to go. I had my son at 16, 9 months later I found out I was pregnant again, I was 20 weeks. 2 weeks later I had a placental abruption, my little boy died. I was devastated obviously, and had little support. I desperately wanted another baby. 7 months later I was pregnant again, all was fine. My daughter was born at 33 weeks and was in special care for awhile. I have never really bonded with her. She wasn't the baby boy I was longing for and I never got to hold her or anything for about 2 weeks after birth. This is the most awful part she is 9 now and I still don't feel I have the same bond as I do with my eldest and I don't know what to do, where do I go for help?

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 01/08/2015 22:08

Poor you.
Have you looked at the SANDS website. I know it's been a long time since your baby boy died but I don't think you have grieved for him. They can help.

Have you spoken to your Dr?

You are most likely a lovely parent.
I know a mother who didn't bond with her daughter until the daughter was in her early teens. They actually are a lovely family and strong unit. Although she struggled to bond she always took care of her daughter.

It's little steps. I hope others on here direct you to good help.

Coconuticetea · 01/08/2015 22:09

What's making you ask for help now. You seem to have carried this guilt for the whole 9 years of her life. She's just a little girl and you were hurting inside.
Dig deep inside yourself to start again with her. imagine if you were her and how she would feel and what she would like from you her mum. Lots of hugs, time together.

You can start again with her, you can re build a relationship, you can learn to love her with all your heart before it's too late. take her shopping, do her nails, cuddle her a lot and tell her she is beautiful and that you love her and that you will always be there for her no matter what.

It is a great thing that you want to bond with her now, it is never too late, you can do it. Be patient and loving, you are the mother, so be patient and nurturing.

And go to your GP for further advice and direction.

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