Difference between teasing and bullying

[plinkplankplonk]

I have a male friend who is often quite negative towards me but when challanged says he's only teasing, or only having a laugh. But last night we had a drunken conversation which made me think he's actually quite nasty. A few weeks ago we had a text conversation where he 'taunted' me by telling me he had a piece of gossip but wouldn't say what it was and then lied to me (telling me he'd spoken to another friend when he hadn't), only admitting the lies when challenged a few days later. As all this was by text I had no body language or way of identifying that he was lying or 'just teasing' and got quite annoyed by it.

Yesterday when I brought up the lying he said that he though winding me up and lying was ok as long as he found it funny. He didn't seem to be able to empathse with my feelings at all.

I'm an only child and an introvert and so not really into rough and tumble friendships, but can someone clarify for me, when does friendly teasing move into bullying?

I used to call an old flatmate a certain name in a particular accent. It amused me. A silly thing but whatever. It just tickled me for some reason. It wasn't at all insulting of her. After a few weeks she said it really annoyed her. I felt a bit upset and humiliated when I meant no harm at all and didn't really get why it bugged her. But I stopped because, well, why would I keep doing it when I know it annoyed her. I wouldn't get any pleasure from doing something that I knew fostered bad feeling towards me.

You've said you don't like it. You know he doesn't like being treated that way himself. Fuck knows why he thinks it's ok or why he feels compelled to do it. It's about him, not you. If he's a good friend other than this and you want to stay friends then I guess the only way is to ignore his bad behaviour. If he doesn't get a rise then there is no point in him carrying on. Train him out of it.

If he only means to tease he would immediately apologise as soon as you said you don't like it and stop the behaviour. The fact that he ignores your feelings and carries on shows that he wants to upset you.

He seems to behave towards you like an abusive partner. He is certainly no friend. You have no particular ties to him so just cut him out of your life immediately.

I had an ex who kept pinching my bum in public, especially when out with a group of his mates. I hated it, made me feel cheapened, and continually told him not to do it as it upset me. He ignored me and kept doing it. I dumped him. No way was I going to waste any time on someone who has no respect for my feelings.

Thanks very much Self Loathing!!
Yes, I read the whole thread. And am very sympathetic to bullying. Extremely.
I didn't have much to add, that hadn't been said before, so just typed that there is a big difference. Which others had previously stated.

Seems you have taken my post in a way that it was not intended, and made a nasty comment about it.
Maybe you should just jog on love!

He is not a good friend. Get rid.

It was a stupid and banal post chaise. The OP's question was "what is the difference" and your answer was just "they are different". Singularly unhelpful and added nothing to the thread. If anyone should be "jogging on love" it should be you!

If he only means to tease he would immediately apologise as soon as you said you don't like it and stop the behaviour. The fact that he ignores your feelings and carries on shows that he wants to upset you

This is a key part of bullying - is that it is designed to suppress and belittle the victim. The victim's reaction to it is a central part of the process.

If the "victim" doesn't notice, doesn't care and isn't bothered, the "teasing/bullying" is of no effect.

So if you are saying to someone "I don't like what you are doing" a friend (or even a vague acquaintance who isn't an utter sh*t) would take that on board and stop. It is not a kind or nice or normal reaction to say to someone who is stating xyz behaviour upsets them that they "are too sensitive". What are the choices here? You stop and everyone's happy. You carry on and I'm unhappy. It's a no brainer.

Stupid and banal?
It was meant with kindness and understanding.
And many other posters had already given a very good summary of the difference between teasing and bullying.

I don't know what your 'agenda' is here, but there was no 'agenda' from me.