Dh is feeling left out

[MrsDoolittle]

Dd is three weeks old and I have to say I am besotted. However as pleased as dh is that we have a beautiful baby, he is feeling left out. Comments like "You and the baby, everyone else is on another planet for all you care" and "what about your relationship with me?" to name a couple, not to mention the fact that I moved myself and dd into the spare room so that dh is not woken at night and I am not disturbed by him going to work in the morning.
I think adding to this is the fact dd is grisely in the evenings and seems to be "cluster" feeding so he feels left out. Although he tries she won't settle on him and problems are caused when I tell him he's not trying hard enough with her - unfair on my part, I guess.
The fact is I guess we must have had quite an intense realtionship before dd was born and now dh is missing that.
What can I do?

Move back with your DH. Did he ask you to move out at night? I have never done that with any of my babies - husbands can help out in the night too you know. Being disturbed is all part and parcel of a relationship IMO. DH used to help with nappy etc. Do you let him bath her and take her out for walks etc.?
Your DH needs cuddles from you as well. It is really hard for them to adjust and moving to another bed to me is a rejection in itself. Not everyone thinks that though.

I think you may be right, mears. I was starting to think that myself - I wonder if I am being too possessive. It's not that he won't - it's that I won't let him.
I thought I was doing us all a favour when dd was really windy last week and she was crying every half hour, but we are over the worst of that.

MrsD, i agree wihtM- don't exclude your dh, being disturbed in the night etc is all part of the parent experience. I have 3 (now older) I always kept them in their own rooms and breast fed the first few months- it meant hastle getting up but it kept the closeness between me and dh. As time went on and I was able to express milk we took turns to do the night feed. Your dh will have to accept he is not the most important person in your life at the moment but let him into your feelings explain the strong mothering instincts you are experiencing- it will help him support you and make you all closer in the end. Good luck- enjoy both your baby and your dh

It is pretty exclusive for the first 6 weeks esp if breastfeeding, but we did keep dd in with us at night, dh did offer to sleep out, but I would rather remain close to him in bed when dd had goen back to sleep, I am sure it helped as he then knew how much it cost me tiemwise at nights, so he took a back seat and helped me more during that time. It does help to include him in bathtime, dd now has almost every bath time with daddy and loves it as does he!
Men seem to bond more with babies as they get a little more vocal and smile etc. But try not to block him out

Personally, I 'moved out' with both of my kids to offer dh a good night's sleep but then he works shifts and so sleeping apart is normal for us, we decided to do it together so that he was well rested during the day when he took over and let me sleep and, second time, he had dd in with him so it was different.

Apart from bf, there is nothing else dh cannot do. I agree with kiwisbird, shifts allowing, dh has always had bathtime as his time with dd and ds and they all enjoy it.

I also expressed at 6 weeks with both and know dh enjoyed feeding them now and again.

I'm sure it'll get better as your dd gets a bit older, it's still so early now and everything is up in the air.