DH thinks i am over reacting with this, but i am upset by it.

[saltire]

Today i texted my friend to see if i could borrow her double buggy as mine had no raincover. No reply, so i texted again, no reply, so i assumed she was driving as car was away. I sent a third text and said : I have buggy from porch, will drop it off later.
Still no reply, then about 11.30 she sent me one to say that my washing was done (washer is broken), and i said i would pick it up on way back from dropping mindees at playgroup. Anyway when i went to pick up washing and drop off buggy, she said that she thought it had been stolen. I said no, i texted you three times, i told you i had borrowed it.
Anyway she started to have a bit of a go, and said
"I'm putting all the toys from the garden in the shed when i go away and getting a padlock on, and i'm sick of people coming in my house and doing things when i'm not there, and taking things and moving things, I will need to keep buggy locked in house to stop people from taking it, and after what you allege happened on saturday what am i to do?"
I have taken this as a personal dig at me - i feel that she implied i went into her house all the time when she's not there and moved things/stole things/hid things. I had apologised for taking the buggy, but she kept saying, you just took it, i would have phoned you, didn't you think to wait until i called you, how could you do this to me.
DH says its because she is under stress and has just flipped, but i am really bothered by it.

tbh I would never dream of going and borrowing something from someone without getting their say so first. She could have had any reasons for not having replied to your texts. maybe she had no battery, maybe she just hadn't switched phone on - maybe she was busy with other things. Perhaps she did overreact a tad, but tbh I think she did have a right to be annoyed.

The thing is, she always says she never gets my texts when it's something like that - if i need to borrow the buggy, or if am running late and want her to pick up Dss from school, but she gets other texts ok, like if i invite her over for coffee, or if i suggest going to park.! i can understand she was annoyed, it was however an emergency and i did apologise.

It really depends on your relationship whether this is acceptable or not, I think

I would also never dream of going to someone's house and taking something without permission, but I know some people have the sort of relaxed friendship where this would be fine.

Whatever you thought, she is obviously not happy about it - you either overstepped the mark on this occasion, or she has just become worn down by people taking things without asking (people do tend to take advantage of people when given a chance, unfortunately).

What does "what you allege happened on Saturday" mean? Did I miss something?

Cross posts - if she repeatedly ignores your texts when you are asking her a favour, she clearly isn't happy with doing you those favours! Do you tend to do her favours, but she isn't upholding her side of the friendship, or are you asking her too frequently to help you out?

If you're normally both relaxed about borrowing stuff like this I'd be tempted to cut her some slack and call it a one off - she does sound like she's stressed and upset, so if I were you I'd apologise, back off a bit and just be nice till she's calmer and more sorted.
I'm not saying she's right to have a go at you, but that there's no point having a fight over it.

Mind you, all of this is hypothetical as I'm not in a situation where I borrow things so easily, so I may be utterly wrong...

No idea about the Saturday thing.

She's upset that you took something without being told it was OK and if I were you I would apologise for that.

i wouldnt be happy about someone taking/borrowing something without asking first. but if thats what you guys normally do then its different i spose. i would grovel to her though

I didn't go into the house and take - i would never just go into someone's house. It was in her porch.
At the weekend, she was away, from Wednesday through to Monday. Anyway on Sat night i heard a lot of giggling and screaming and could see shadows in her porch. When it stopped i went round to check her house ( i Have a key) and someone had tipped all her plants out, and pput soil through the letterbox, along with unrolled condoms, and there was like spit all over the door. I went inside, got her vacum and cleaned it all, put condoms in the bin, checked her back gate and all windows etc. Then texted her as i had tried to ring her but no answer. She got that text, and rang me, i expained what had happened, but when she spoke to me today, it's as though she doesn't believe me that it was there. I thought iwas doing her a favour cleaning it all up so she didn't have to come back and start cleaning on Monday night

I would back away from this friendship, and be careful with her. It sounds like she doesn't really trust you, and unless you keep a bit of distance, it will all blow up.

I do have friendships where I could just borrow things without asking, well, one in particular, but I do always leave a note or a phone message explaining what I've done. And anyway, I'm generally borrowing things from inside the house, and not many people have keys.

Well, I would sob with gratitude if someone cleaned up a whole lot of crap for me. Does she think you were just have a nosey or something?

It sounds like she feels invaded by you letting yourself into the house, even to do her a good turn and clear up, and now you have helped yourself to her buggy.

I don't think it makes any difference whether it was in the porch or not - it wasn't yours. Sorry to sound a bit finger wagging but you don't seem to get why someone would feel annoyed by you taking their property without asking.

i really don't know what she thinks becky, it's the way she used the word "allege". As i said we often borrow buggys etc, we have each others kids - i've had hers loads recently because he DH is away. When mine was away at the beginning of the year, she never popped round at night or at weekends to see how i was, yest has, until recently seemed to feel that i should go and visit her.
I have never, ever gone in her house without her say so - if she is away she will often say to take the mile in, or keep an eyte on the place, and i will popl in then, but just to check downstair windows and doors. Its almost as though she thinks i just go and sit there and have wild parties - at lease that's how she has left me feeling

And i did ask, i texted her three times.

if it was any of my mates i would be able to just go and take it, think it must be the stress shes under, give her a big hug then tell her to get a grip...

if she is a proper mate she will realise how daft shes being.,

She is miffed, anyway

whether justly or unjustly I don't know, but I would back off as NQC suggests

It sounds very annoying for you

I do think she's feeling a bit shaky. If she believes you about Saturday, it means she has to accept that someone broke into her house, which is a horrible thing to think about. And you texted, but did not give her a chance to say no. Could you be the bigger person here and let it go?

It does sound annoying.

Maybe you've been living in each other's pockets too much, and some backing off is in order, anyway. It sounds like you're finding her more than a bit annoying, even before this, so time off won't hurt you at all.

id give the key back if you havent already and let her think about your friendship and come back to you. very nice of you to clear up her house for herthough

I would probably feel upset like you. However, I think you need to take a step back and think about what's going on in her life. If her DH has been away she's probably stressed and on top of that, her privacy has been invaded by the yobs on Saturday.

Maybe it would be worth trying to get some time with her away from the kids and see if she opens up to you?

Dont give up on the friendship! if shes a proper mate shell come round, she may be having a down period and believe me shell be glad you hung around..
Relationships arent meant to be easy all the time so give her a chance..

If it turns out your flogging a dead horse then jsut bin her off..

maybe shes upset about what happened at the weekend (not because of you coming in to clear up) but because someone was messing with her stuff and now she's on her own and is feeling vunerable and perhaps it was all getting on top of her to day when you turned up she just felt the need to snap and you got the brunt because you're a close friend and thats who we tend to take our probs out on. if i were you i would go round with a bottle of wine and say (if its a really close friendship) "i'm sorry, here's your key, i won't borrow your stuff anymore, lets move on because i love u, u daft cow, lets get merry!"

I have decided to keep out her way for a couple of days, and see what happens. I know i was wrong to just take the buggy,it was an emergency and i did apologise to her, but i was upset at her implying that
A) I go into her house and move things/take things.
B) That i made the whole weekend incident up.
I wouldn't do either of those things, and that is what has upset me.