Am I being a bitch?

[TooMuchJD]

Firstly - we both work, our outgoings are roughly £2k per month, he contributes £650 to the family coffers, we are both left with roughly the same amount each month for personal use, extras etc. He uses his to go the pub/gym/buy stuff for himself/takeaways I use mine to family stuff, days out/holidays etc. He always maxes his account inc. overdraft every month and frequently has to borrow money from me to tide him over which I rarely see back (not a problem if I don't need it for something else).

We have had a some surprise money (few hundred pounds) and he has asked for some of it to boost his flagging coffers whilst I feel it should go toward our family holiday at the end of the month. He's pulling his face so said take enough to clear his overdraft and save the rest, now he's moaning that he should have more (this would be about £150).

I'm reluctant to just pass money over to him (I could afford it and would normally not hesitate) but feel that he's taking the piss now, he never budgets, moans constantly about having no money but fritters it away on shit whilst "forgetting" to save for important things like his dogs vaccinations/wormer/flea treatment (was one of the things we agreed he would take financial responsibility for when he got the dog).

Am I just being a bitch???

Btw - he does fuck all around the house unless its absolutely necessary then moans his bag off about never having time to himself/a social life/happiness etc.

Fuck off you whiny bastard sounds about right to me. You don't need him to get worse to say it, he's plenty bad enough already. Just imagine what your life could be like if you only needed to be responsible for yourself and your dcs without this cocklodging piss taker draining you dry.

You sound lovely, and like pp said, your only problem is that you're not being anywhere near enough of a bitch.

He is being a twat. I don't want to fund anyone and don't expect to be funded. Everyone needs to be financially independent IMO.

If he has no money, tell him to work harder or get a better paid job. And stop whining. We all can't have what we want in life so tell him to live within his means. Quite why someone gets a dog when they can't afford it is beyond me.

OP I could have written your post apart from the fact that my xh only twice gave me a contribution to the bills in 6 years despite endlessly promising to contribute. When we got together he had big debts and as I had my own house and reasonable income I stupidly suggested that I covered the bills while he got his finances in order. Despite being fully aware of our bills there was always some (seemingly plausible) reason he couldn't contribute each month. He was very fond of making big gestures with his money when in public - buying big rounds, contributing flash amounts to joint gifts - but pleaded poverty when it came to funding something for me or dd.

I eventually woke up to the fact that all the time I was enabling him it would never change and tbh I could no longer afford him. My disposable income was £3 a month which didn't bother him at all and when he failed to buy me anything for my birthday after a week of taking in numerous parcels bought for his hobby, I resolved not to act as a cash point any longer.

He walked out once he realised I wasn't bankrolling him any more and went to a woman he'd been cultivating to take over my role for some time (it emerged later).

My life has improved immeasurably since not least because he is finally having to contribute to the bills (in the form of child support). It's still hard on our dd who doesn't see much of him and he's not that interested in her. I only wish I'd smelled the coffee much earlier.

Get rid - you won't regret it.

Are you actually married OP? Do you own your house or are you renting?

I really get the "not quite bad enough to leave" thing. This book might help you:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad To Stay

Thanks for all the replies ladies.

He has no pension, life insurance or savings funnily enough.

We rent and its in joint names. I cld survive on my wage only along with tax credits & child support, wld be tight but we'd manage.

Today I have spent 2 hrs grocery shopping the 2 hrs at the hospital with my eldest, younger kids went to nanas as its easier than dealing with his moaning if he has them for any length of time. Got home & he had taken the dog out but the dishes were still there, hoovering needed doing - assume he'd just been watching tv all day nursing his hangover.

Moron. He sounds boring as hell!

Imagine your daughter was writing your posts.

You know what you'd tell her to do!

You have two major reasons to leave. Your DC. What are you teaching them about relationships here? You know they'll likely go on to have similar relationships themselves later, right?

You're most definitely not a bitch and he's an entitled, spendthrift wanker.

You have children, you need some savings behind you, not bailing out an irresponsible cocklodger.

He spends his disposable income purely on himself and you use most of yours on the family. While he cadges from you when he's gone through all his. Do you not see how utterly unfair and completely selfish that is of him?

He moans if he has to look after his own children? What, precisely is his role in the family other than as a burden on you and a shockingly bad example to your kids? I'm disgusted with him and I don't even know him!

Ah right. Well he's not improving on "acquaintance" on here, so yes, I also think you might need to look at an exit strategy at this point. Start planning and putting money away - take extra out of the pot, if possible, for "bills" (since I doubt he actually pays any of them himself, how's he to know) and try to recoup some of your losses that way.

There's just no point to him, is there. IF he at least helped with the children, there might be - but he doesn't even do that :( - what a waste of skin, air, space and money he is.