OW

[wheresthedummy]

I would really like some advice please to get some perspective on my situation. My husband had a brief affair earlier this year. I was and am still devastated, but we've talked endlessly about why it happened, whether we should try to save our relationship or separate. We have three small children. We decided to see if it is possible to salvage what we have. It has been hard going but we are slowly moving forward.
My husband owns a bar, the other woman was and still is a regular customer. When he ended the affair, she continued to come to the bar regularly. He told her that we were making a go of our marriage and asked her to stop coming. It's a small bar, she comes on her own (although is now friendly with other 'locals'). She refuses to stop going as she wants to see her 'friends'. She has at times pleaded with him to let her continue. She has at other times told him she will stop coming and leave him alone. I have even asked her (via email) to give us our space in order to move on from the affair. We've both been compassionate and non confrontational. Still she turns up and it is really starting to come between us. My husband has even employed a bar manager so that he doesn't have to be there anymore, but still she turns up.
He has been an absolute shit, but he is trying to make things better. I feel this woman is still coming between us and it is driving me potty. I do believe it's intended to goad us. I appreciate she has been hurt too, but feel she has to accept responsibility for her part in all of this.How do we move on?

[ollieplimsoles]

I get what you are saying worra but she has kind of fucked that up by shagging the married owner of the pub.

I do think he's getting away with this too lightly, but the op is working on her marriage with the sack of shit guy and it upsets her when the ow comes in, it's her business too.

[WorraLiberty]

True ollie. I'm just pointing out that there are other reasons for her being there, that don't involve the DH or the OP.

[nequidnimis]

It doesn't sound like the local pub where she arranges to meet her friends.

OP said she used to come by herself, and still does, although she has now got to know some of the other regulars.

I doubt she still comes because she's become really really fond of the other regulars.

I suspect she got to know the other regulars as an excuse to keep coming back.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Never, ever contact this woman again, OP, be dignified in your silence. All you've done is facilitate a 'Romeo and Juliet' scenario in her head. Daft move but understandable. Don't do it again.

Your husband has a bar manager there now, both of you find something else to do with your free time - and don't go to the bar however much you might feel like flaunting your 'success' at retaining a cheating husband. It will make you look pathetic.

Be elsewhere and take the time to repair your marriage.

[sensiblesometimes]

Whose bar is it ?