Unsure

[armani40]

I met a man at end of may. He ticks lots of boxes and we get on lovely.
However the past two weeks it feels like I am the one instigating the contact. I seem to text first he replies of course. He has been away with work this week and had plans already made this weekend. ( children) all fine by me but he hasn't said oh missing you and we can meet up on x date.. I stress that he is kind and loving when we meet. Hmm not sure what path to tread here. What do you think ?

It's rubbish Jenna :-( hanging on not long now then I can have a bloody good cry, vent and wine. Then I don't know do I get back on the horse so to speak ? On line dating ? God I dont know but if I do I will have my radar up fully ..

Armani I know how you feel. I had similar situation and instead of him just saying actually do you know it's not going to work he strung it out and went all quiet. I was gutted and cried too. It wasn't so much about him as I knew there was no long term it just felt like I was rejected again!

But I got straight back in and chatted to people and it helped. Set up a couple of dates and told myself not to go exclusive again so quickly.

Hope you have a nice glass of wine or something later and get swiping on tinder! It's so funny and worth it just for the laugh

I think I should take that advice too rather than just moping over someone. I did read somewhere to just get back out there to help you move on.

You will get through the next few days, and you will look back and think "what the hell was I thinking, he was [insert attribute of choice]short, fat, balding, old, boring...

I think online dating is really all rather crap, but only you know whether you can take this experience and learn from it. Although I think you need your wits about you, try not to become to hardened and cynical. All the players, and serial monogamy dreamers who sweep you up for a few weeks, only to drop you, the dick pics, the ones who just want a hook up from the off, if you become to wizened and cynical you may start to actually play into the whole culture. The idea of multi dating seems sensible when you can't be sure if others are doing it and it stops you investing too soon. However, think about it: if half the people are doing that some of the time, and then everyone else believes that they are being treated this way, if they decide to do the same...then everyone in now on that merry go-round. By playing that game, you are playing their game!

So, be true to yourself, yes you may get hurt, but sometimes a certain amount of happiness can be had by knowing that you are not the one hurting others or messing them up. Good luck x

Poor you.

Now do something just for you. What will it be?

I have
I have cried my heart out [blush
Not for him but for how stupid u have been how I let him het close to me so soon.
I should have asked him where did he think we were going ? If anywhere ? I should have been guarded..
Feel daft now...

Oh don't feel bad. You were just treating him as you wanted to be treated. There is nothing wrong in that. It's the right thing to do. I did it too.

The next time round I was more cautious and was clearer I think about expectations.
Don't let it put you off OD there are good ones out there.

You didn't do anything wrong. And there's nothing wrong with feeling really gutted even though it was only a short relationship. It's normal! It's just the way it goes with dating...sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Onwards and upwards...maybe take a break from online dating if you like. And at least you know your instincts were right, it's always good to learn to trust your instincts.

Hi. I could have posted your message almost word for word a few years back.

I met a wonderful man through online dating. I had the same insecurities and over analysed every aspect in the end. The result? He called it a day! And I truly believe I lost a very good man.

He was very patient with me when I first confronted it. In fact, he was patient several times when I confronted the same issue. In the end, he said he couldn't do anymore to put my mind at ease and said that I was beginning to make him conscience of how he replies to texts, how I will react if he can't see me etc. He said I was trying to force things rather than let them develop naturally.

I was heartbroken and tbh, it was hard to go back from the beginning and start again. I'd put him on edge.

I lost a great guy, and ended up meeting a guy that promised me the world from the beginning, loads of texts, loads of his time (all what I craved with previous man ) only to bring me crashing down to earth a couple of years down the line... he was a cheat, lost interest, got quite spiteful etc) I'm strangly grieving this relationship currently. But I know in my heart, if I was patient and trusting with the first guy, I'd probably still be in a very happy and equal relationship .

Please take my advice and chill out a bit. Sometimes it's good to let it develop slowly.

Apologies... I only read your first post!

Hope you find strength to get through it. I guess every situation is different!