Another friend got engaged and I just had a panic attack at work

[panicstations1]

The last of my single friends just got engaged. I'm 31 and broke up with my ex in January. I've been on dates since, but nothing special. I'm starting to feel disheartened, and worst of all, bitter. I had a lovely life with my exDP - loved our home (rented), and was generally happy. (I ended it for the right reasons and he wasnt the one).

In the week I am fine but when weekends come, I panic and feel very alone. I have hobbies and without this rising fear of being alone for ever more, I would be pretty happy. I can't get rid of the fear and feeling like something is wrong with me.

• At weddings, I get the pitying smiles and questions about if ive met someone and 'you need to catch up.'
  

• Also, day to day money is tighter for me than it is for my coupled up friends who generally share homes and cars etc. I have started to notice that I am still on a budget (wasnt he case with exdp when home/etc shared)
  

• At weekends I feel my friends want to see me only when their otherhalf isnt around or they fit me in aroudn their own family life. I understand this because that is what a relationship is, but I still feel left out from time to time...as if my time is so free... one of my friends joked th eothr day that i was 'always flesxible' - said in a catty sort of way, which upset me a bit.
  

I know the advice will be to make more single friends but it isn't that easy. Most people by my age are with someone else, even if it's not marriage. I wish I coud get rid of this feeling of fear and lonliness. I want to travel and feel I cant even go on holiday as I would have to go on my own...something i never thought i would have to do at age 31. I'm quite sociable and dont like lengthy time alone like a whole holiday.

I feel like my life is passing me by while others buy homes and get married and have kids. While I have had dates, I havet felt that spark... a lovely guy told me they were falling in love with me after 4 dates, but i just didnt feel the spark with him, though i still want to be friends with him. maybe that is where i am going wrong, i'm too picky or something. maybe it's my fault for focusing in work so much in my twenties.

sorry for the self-pity - not attractive...

Feeling a bit rubbish today :(

[Lambbone]

Dammit!

Just wrote a really long post then sat on the mouse and lost it.

Essence of the message was - if you're an independent traveller who wants a bit of a focus to her holiday, and no feeling of matchmaking, try Workaway.

DD1 is away with this scheme at the moment and is having a ball. No age restrictions and there are plenty of thirtysomethings away with her.

[Destinysdaughter]

goddess thanks for that link, those holidays look great!

OP, I do understand your distress, I'm 50 and currently single but you know what, it's fine, I'd much rather be single than in a bad relationship. And I've done loads of amazing things I couldn't have done if I'd been in a relationship. When I was 47 I went to India for 4 months on my own, had a fantastic time! I've done lots of self development courses, met really interesting people, pursued my own interests and actually had my best years after the age of 37! Life isn't a race and there really is more to life than relationships. There is also a website I've recently discovered about 'conscious dating', Ill find the link and post it, it's worth reading.

[Destinysdaughter]

Here's the link
www.consciousdating.com/the-ten-principles-of-conscious-dating/

[SuperFlyHigh]

OP - just had a thought - friendship groups are a good idea either through Meet Up (tons of groups, you can pick and choose).

I met some friends mid 30s through a friendship group where 4 of us eventually 'disbanded' from the main group and are now friends.

I also reconnected with a single friend/childhood neighbour who'd been living a few hundred miles away and moved back to our hometown where I bought a flat, she then introduced me to her high school friend and we are now 'friends'. Ex-work mates have become close friends too now but you do have to make the effort to keep in touch and with who/how you want to do that. i did about 6 years ago meet up with someone very nice just through Gumtree or another site for a holiday companion - we met up in Bank London but decided eventually not to go away.

You also need to be careful through the friendship group I went to Ibiza for 2 weeks with someone - totally not her holiday but she thought it would be for her... disaster from start to finish as we didn't know each other well.