Just don't know what to do anymore!

[blondie1976]

I have an old thread on here about my H cannabis habit, how it affects me and kids.

Things are not getting better, when I think they are it gets bad again.

My oldest is having worrying behaviour, always has a sore belly, doesn't want to eat etc, wants to sleep with me. H and I sleep separately.

He is a smoker from morning to night, he does work. I think as he has had the habit for 20+ yrs he just functions as normal now. But inbetween joints his moods are awful and can sulk with me for days over things I have no idea about.

When he is nice, he is nice, usually under the influence though.

Please don't shoot me down I have had that from another site, just need some perceptive and advice as to me this is now normal. I know I need to go or somehow get him to stop but I don't think he ever will.

Have you spoken to him about the impact his habit is having on the children?
Does he smoke it around them?
What would you like to happen?

How can I say this < again > Get your kids away from this junkie.There's no way to sugar cost it.You know that he has no intention of stopping so what do you suggest?Do you ever reread your posts?Surely to God you understand by now that the poor kids are suffering.You're their advocat,their protector,their mum.Start acting like it!

I have spoken about the impact the mood swings have on us all, that was months ago and for a few weeks things will get better but then he reverts.

He smokes outside but sometimes in the conservatory but you can still smell it sometimes.

Im not sure what I want to happen, part of me wants to cling on, the other half is full of resentment that he will not put us before drugs.

In your position I would be putting my kids first. I know it's hard to walk away but it's no way for your kids to live. Surely the smell must linger on the kids if he's smoking around them as well? What if a teacher noticed it and reported their concerns?
Not to mention the bad role model, passive smoking and general instability.

I know I need to go or somehow get him to stop but I don't think he ever will.

Right. So you know you need to go.

Your DC are being affected by this. You have a responsibility to them to keep them safe. That doesn't just mean physically, it means emotionally and mentally as well.

Have you read Codependent No More? Might help you understand why you're trying to fix him, and open your eyes to the fact that you can't.

I'd also recommend going to a narc-anon meeting.

Im just broken and cant see a way out, if we leave we all will hurt, If we stay it just continues.

He never smokes directly in front of them but of course I believe the smoke will till linger.

I cant believe the mess we are in.

He won't stop. It doesn't matter what you do, or don't do. He's not going to stop. You can't control that.

What you can control is your reaction to it - please get your kids away from this situation. I assure you if he smokes in the conservatory, the kids are going to not just smell of it, but be exposed to it.

It might hurt more now but you and your kids will be happier in the long run if you get them out of this situation. You don't owe anything to your DH but you have a responsibility for your kids. Keep them safe.

Thanks everyone, I know I am a silly mother! I was just trying to hold the family together.

Im sick of him being so chilled with his joints! Im sick of going holidays alone as well as he cant cope 5 days without. We are just not a normal family.

Again, really, don't care if he smokes outside, the stuff stinks to high heavens, please do something, there's no point in continually posting, nobody is going to tell you anything other than get rid of this dead loss, is he really that fantastic you are wiling to put your children through that?