DD & exp, perspective please - warning triggers.

[reallyhopenot]

Warning, discussing possible abuse.

DD is 4.
Split from ex 20 months ago due to emotional abuse and unacceptable behaviour - smoking dope and growing it in the garden. Ex has DD and DS (2.5) every weekend. When DD sleeps there she starts in her own bed but then gets in ex's bed every night, he has a double and he says he doesn't notice so doesn't put her back.

I have noticed her behaviour change over the last month or so, she starts school in September and did a taster session a few weeks ago, didn't go well because she got very upset,since then she has been ultra clingy, creeping into my bed every night and generally not herself so I put it down to this but yesterday when she got back from the weekend with her dad, she got in the bath and told me her bits were sore. I had a quick look and they were very red. She says it's not itchy but it hurts.
Immediately my hackles were up. I asked her what happened and she said she didn't remember then told me that DS kicked her there. I left it, she changed the subject.

Today she showed my mom her bits in the bathroom, she told her that she had a 'funny sleep' in daddy's bed and now they hurt. My mom is a retired social worker so pulled me into another room and told me, I burst into tears. She said not to ask her anything until later then just gently ask her again what happened. I just did, she says she bashed her bits on the bed and then she changed the subject again so I left it, I don't want to put words in her mouth.

What the heck do I do now? I'm shitting myself. Exp doesn't show any of these sort of 'tendancies' and DD doesn't show any of the classic symptoms I've read on the Nspcc website (she isn't sexual or secretive) and I'm lost. Exp watched a lot of porn but it's mainstream or was when I left. As far as I know he doesn't have a girlfriend if that matters.

I'm worried about asking her more questions and I'm worried about reporting it to anyone incase I'm totally overreacting and her pants have just rubbed her but I'm her mom and I owe it to her to look at all the possibilities. Shall I ring nspcc tonight?

I have name changed.

Just to clarify she didn't have sore bits in the bath on Saturday morning and I've tested her urine myself (she has a kidney condition so I hot urine dip sticks off GP) and it's not an infection.

Yes fone them now, I am sorry but none of this sounds normal.

Take her to the doctor about the soreness? If there's nothing suspect, then no action required - if the doctor is worried, then you've got support?

I think you need to do something at least, better safe than sorry.

Take her to the GP.

At least there will be an official record of the symptoms.

Could it be from where she has wee'd and not wiped? Is your ex rubbish with washing/bathing her?

If your mum is worried too, and got that answer then it supports your reasoning.

I'd definitely call them. I doubt you have to give real details to find advice.

So sorry for you and your DD.

Oh god you need to get her straight to the GP.

Sorry, posted too soon! Even if it's nothing sinister, she's clearly uncomfortable and in pain so much better to have her checked over.

I could take her to the doctors, definitely

Will tomorrow

Yes would definitely take her to the GP. Girls that age can get sore from not wiping properly so that could be it, esp if your ex isn't bathing her when she's there. Does she seem reluctant to go to her Dad's?

She begs me to go to her dad's, she used to hate it but now she says she wants to live there. This has happen in the lady few weeks too.

*Happened in the last few weeks

Did not want to read and run Good luck with sorting this I wouldn't be letting her out of my sight..glad you have the support from your mum

I've made a plan - take her to doctors in the morning and see what they say. Do I have to actively voice my concerns? Or just say that it happened at her dad's house and leave it at that? She will be in the room.

Could you not also ring the NSPCC for advice?

Christ.

Put in writing as you've done here, passing it to the GP with the remark "...and you might like a look at this".

Yes will do both those suggestions. Sorry I seem so useless, I literally cannot function at the moment with my brain feeling like a washing machine.

This all seems so worrying for you. I'm so sorry.
I'd tell GP that dd has been sore since she stayed away with daddy and his children but is a bit confused about what happened so you'd like to check there's nothing 'untoward'. Dd won't know what untoward means but the GP should pick up on it.
I hope it goes ok

I will, thank you so much. My tiger mom emotion is going crazy. I feel so absolutely useless.