How do you say "I want some space so will you both just p'off for a bit"

[sweetpud]

Sorry its a long one!

I don't know if this will come across as me just being an old nark but I'm getting fed up and want some peace!

My son is 24 but acts like he is 15(no really), still living at home, and pays a small amount of rent. And to be honest he couldn't really afford to move out yet.
He does work but gets help if needs be, including back handers off my dh, though the pair of them think I don't know!
He comes and goes whenever he wants, and keeps his room like a shit pitt, even though we are constantly getting him to clean it!

I am constantly saying that I can never see him leaving home in the future, and why would he if its so comfortable here!

Now to add to the mix my son has been in a relationship for about 8 months now but its extremely serious, in the fact they are spending all their time together. Though I don't think that's healthy really.

Anyway most of their spare time is spent here, so that includes meals a lot of the time, which is stressful in itself as I'm never sure if I have cooked enough or if I've done too much and they have already eaten. It doesn't work with me asking if they are eating here early in the day as my son works funny shifts and never seems to know what he is doing later?! Or then if I haven't made them any food, he will come in and cook something late on in the evening which really winds me up!

The stop overs are getting more and more frequent, even though me and DH have said she cannot move in here, besides which the house is too small for that anyway. They have had a stop over for the last three days as I write this.

My son will sometimes leave his gf here for the whole day if he is working late, so she may be here with us until 10 or 11 at night till he gets home, and we don't know if she is staying over or going home. She doesn't really have a good relationship with her mum and has sort of latched on to me, she has even been telling my dh and I that she loves us, which we found a little uncomfortable, though we are used to hearing it now. She does work but only a few hours here and there, and also has no desire to find a full time job or to get a career. Seems to like her free time and of course to not be working when my son isn't so they can go out for the day or whatever.
.
We can't say we don't like her as she is a really lovely girl, who we don't mind spending time with, she often comes shopping with me, but I feel like I am living in their relationship and its starting to grate.

Me and Dh never seem to have any time for "us" anymore, and we can't sit and watch a film in peace when we want to, even though they are spending a lot of time in my son's room.

If it boils down to it then I know it would have to be me that would say something, so how do you not offend or hurt feelings???

I have always liked my own company, which is great, and I used to get plenty of "me" time because my dh is at work all day, meaning I can do my housework in peace, blast my fave tunes out if I want or just sit and watch crap tv if I fancy it. but sometimes lately I don't have that choice and its peeing me off at the moment.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

StealthPolarBear
I think you and DH need to take up a hobby. Tantric sex?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I quoted this thread just now to someone who asked how would the OP feel if DS and gf declared that they are engaged? Would putting things on a slightly different footing ie "She's my fiancée" make any difference to you?

[trackrBird]

I can really sympathise with you OP.

"its still our home and I don't want to live in their relationship. I feel like such a horrible bastard because I do like the girl, but I like my own space and my own company too."

< that's the bit that's hard to get across to people.

I know someone who fell into a trap like this. It began with allowing boys/girls to stop over during the teenage years, on the basis (I think) that the children would leave home and get places of their own at 18. Sounded reasonable. It didn't happen like that though. She soon found herself with two twenty somethings heading for thirty something, who moved their boy/girlfriends in permanently, and basically took over the house. And of course it was a series of boy/girlfriends, each of which she hoped was the one, just to get some peace I think. She ended up going out - a lot!

I think you have to be assertive and point out that it's not working for you. If they want to live together they have to pool resources and get a place. Living together at your house is not an option - if it doesn't suit you.