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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think he's cheating

51 replies

Belaforreal · 25/07/2015 23:09

I have that awful feeling in my gut that my boyfriend is or has been cheating on me. I have absolutely no evidence of this just that pang of "oh fuck"

I don't want to say anything at the risk of sounding paranoid or "crazy".

I don't know what it is. Nothing's changed. He goes out every weekend both days but that started again after he finished saving so not new behaviour really.

I don't know.

What would you do? Say something? I know his phone password but haven't used it. I'd want to know but couldn't take the heartbreak right now.

It could be in my head but what if it's not? Sad

OP posts:
Dilema76 · 26/07/2015 08:36

Whether he is cheating or not, the relationship doesn't sound good and doesn't seem to be making you happy. That is reason alone to bring things to an end.

Chipshopninja · 26/07/2015 08:36

Did you check his phone OP?

CalmItKermit · 26/07/2015 09:03

Hang on....it's 2.30am, he's in McDonalds, and you are waiting up for him?!?!?!?!

RattleAndRoll · 26/07/2015 09:11

Did you manage to check his phone? Hope there was nothing ok it and all is ok.

InTheBox · 26/07/2015 09:18

I'm another one who sees absolutely nothing wrong with snooping. That raw need to have concrete proof is a feeling like no other, as is the instinct that something is amiss.
I know many people say 'well if you need to snoop the relationship is already over' or 'you don't need proof to leave' etc whilst those are all perfectly acceptable, I and I suspect many others want black and white irrefutable evidence.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/07/2015 09:23

It certainly felt imperative to me when I had that gut feeling - the need to know. With proof

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 26/07/2015 09:24

It seems like you have a problem whether you find what you're looking for or not. So I'm not sure what the point is.

Original poster
Belaforreal · 26/07/2015 10:58

He's changed his code or I got it wrong. I have insomnia I didn't wait up for him.

I look at him and I don't like him but I love him so much. I need concrete evidence first. I'll watch today to try see his code

This is so shit Sad

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/07/2015 11:06

You don't need 'concrete evidence' and that's just as well because you won't get it. You don't trust him so there's no relationship there is there? When you get to the stage where you're checking phones then it's time to call it a day because if you don't find anything you'll assume there was something there previously anyway.

You're not tied to this man - get rid, OP.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/07/2015 11:50

She doesn't Lying. You're right. But it is a very very strong compulsion. Well it was for me anyway.

Hope you're ok op

Chipshopninja · 26/07/2015 14:55

Changing his code rings my alarm bells op, not sounding great so far sorry x

WayneRooneysHair · 26/07/2015 15:01

Or like the OP said she got the code wrong...

Chipshopninja · 26/07/2015 15:09

You're right, didn't read it properly

Gabilan · 26/07/2015 15:59

"I've no doubt everyone will disagree with me but..... please don't check his phone!"

No, I'm with you on that one. I'd hit the roof if someone went through my phone. It's my private property. When friends text me, I want them to be texting me, not a jealous and insecure partner.

I'd talk to him, OP. It sounds like there are other problems with the relationship. If you check the phone and find nothing, I suspect you will still worry.

Ivyniris · 26/07/2015 17:17

@ OP. Why don't you just ask him straight out?

Snooping just means you don't trust him and if there is no trust there is no relationship IMO.

For what it is worth I don't think he is cheating. :-)

Original poster
Belaforreal · 26/07/2015 19:35

I asked him. I just said I have a feeling you have something to tell me? He sort of brushed it off as he was driving. He's not at work tomorrow so I'll have a proper sit down with him.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 26/07/2015 20:09

I wouldn't ask anyone an in-depth question while they were driving. Definitely wait until you can both concentrate on the issues.

LongLankyLegs · 26/07/2015 20:19

Sorry you are going through this, I understand how you feel Flowers

justanaveragegirl · 26/07/2015 20:44

Good idea Belaforreal good luck and hope it is nothing to worry about.

justanaveragegirl · 26/07/2015 21:27

Belaforreal I just saw you started another thread .. I take it you have sorted this issue out?

Original poster
Belaforreal · 26/07/2015 21:52

No I'm trying to just keep calm until tomorrow. Then I'll talk to him. It's just made me feel worse I think. 2 nice things to say about me after a year!

OP posts:
justanaveragegirl · 26/07/2015 21:57

I wouldn't take it too personal .. he is a man meh after all !!!!

Keep your chin up.

Jo4040 · 26/07/2015 22:03

Aww, don't worry too much, won't do you any good at all worrying x

justanaveragegirl · 27/07/2015 18:02

Belaforreal hope you are ok Flowers

OooMatron · 27/07/2015 23:16

How did it go??