Kind words cost nothing, so why are they so rare

[bridie69]

I started in my workplace 18 years ago.. last week for the very first time I was told by a colleague not even on the same level as me how valued and respected I am. He knows as I told him about a totally unreasonable and now blown over complaint made against me but his words meant the world to me. I would tell him only I fear he might think I fancy him (which I do, but there is a 13 year age gap so perhaps not) Anyway just wondered why so many people shy away from being nice from being kind like they will lose status by doing this???

Consumer society needs to constantly pit people against each other in order to sell them stuff to 'improve' themselves. The media influences peoples' behaviour a lot too.

I usually thank people or point out their strengths and i agree so many people seem to point out colleagues bad points or point them out to others which is even worse.Recently i was saying how i dont go to work to make friends as such and my boss who is known to be quite mean said "well everyone here likes you" it was lovely to hear that.People should spead happiness not misery :)

Has it occurred to you that in shying away from telling a colleague how much his kind words meant just because you fancy him he happens to be younger than you, you're contributing to the lack of kindness and niceness you're complaining of?

Can you not behave in professional manner and give this guy your sincere thanks for telling you you're valued and respected in the workplace without giving him the impression that you're only interested in jumping his bones?

Yes to what goddess said^

I think people are embarrassed about giving and taking compliments and heart felt opinions.

There is a thread on AIBU at the moment where a neighbour cried when hearing about a woman losing her baby. Neighbour felt embarrassed for showing strong emotion. I think we all have the stiff upper lip thing drummed into us.

Your colleague said something truthful and it moved you. Tell him.
It would be a lovely thing to hear. Don't think it matters about the fancying thing at all.

Dear goddess
While there is some truth in what you say and indeed I am and will be capable of telling him I appreciated the heartfelt words, the way you express yourself, whether intentionally or not, also contains elements of the general unkindness and aggression I am talking about. Can I not behave in a professional manner? Well yes I very much hope I can, hopefully I have done so in the past hence my long work history. My question is why can people not be both professional and warn hearted and human. I think people have fundamentally changed with the advent of email and greater pressure from all sides to be a success especially relative to peers or family. Clearly as a woman I am somewhat protected from this but I don't remember the expressions "man up" or "grow a pair" being used even 10 years ago but now they are everyday albeit horrible and restrictive expressions. I do I must admit sometimes wonder if people are just significantly less nice than in previous generations and prioritise self above friendships. .

I think things were always better in the 'good old days'. You want to add to the sum of human kindness so do it. The fancying thing is a separate issue.