After 3 years as expats DH and I recently made the difficult decision to return to the UK, essentially because DD had never settled, she was incredibly unhappy, had "switched off" at school, totally dis-engaged from us, and latterly began resorting to self harm.
It has been an incredibly stressful time for both of us, on top of the issues with DD we have had to pack up our lives in Asia, say goodbye to much-loved friends, organise a mountain of paperwork, put our house in the UK on the market as our return neccessitated a relocation, and try to find somewhere to live/new schools in an area we're both unfamiliar with from thousands of miles away, these stresses have been exacerbated by the fact that DH loved his job and both he and the company were performing phenomenally well - he has secured a position within the same company back here but his heart is not really in it and I think he feels a bit rail-roaded into having had to return.
DC and I came home a few weeks ago, more stresses trying (unsuccessfully - we have three dogs) to find a rental property within commutable distance of his new job as our house still hasn't sold - no rental property = no school so basically I've been tearing my hair out. At the same time he was trying to tie up the loose ends of his job, and had to fly back with the dogs (quite a task!)
He arrived back on Sunday after a 12 hour flight followed by a drive from Paris to the UK and on Monday rather unceremoniously informed me that I no longer feature in his future plans. I feel shitty, shell shocked and sick, totally a bolt from the blue. We have had issues in the past but worked through them and I thought our marriage was the stronger for it, I absolutely did not see this coming. In retrospect we have not been kind to each other over the last couple of months, have both been internalising our worries a lot rather than talking things through and have been pretty terse with one another on a few occasions - but this?!? He seems absolutely dead to me, I got the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you" spiel - he won't accept that not many couples are gazing at one another with dewy eyed devotion twenty years and two kids down the line and says he isn't interested in trying to work things out. I am utterly bereft, and as for the kids...
My head is an absolute mess, everything is just going around and around in circles and I am veering between wanting to walk away (petrifying, but at least with my dignity intact) and fighting for what (I thought) we had - clearly I have no desire to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me but this is so unexpected I can't help wondering if he is thinking straight.
Any words of advice/hand-holding would be massively appreciated.