Sad situation but no solution

[unhappy1979]

I don't really know why I'm writing, but there's nobody that I can talk to in RL and I'm so unhappy.
I'm in a totally dead relationship with the father of my DC's (6 and 2). He's not a dreadful person so it's not as simple as LTB. He has had issues with depression and can be very rude and controlling with me, but he's a wondeful father and our children love him v much. However I'm really miserable. We have no intimacy either physicaly or emotionally. I work full time and pay all the bills etc and do all the cooking and sorting out of childcare. He doesn't really work and I think that contributes to the problem, but he never says anything nice to me or seems to appreciate what I do. Sadly this has just led to a massive build up of resentment.
My problem is that he's from America and has told me that if we split up then he will move back there. Therefore if I leave him (which is what I would really like to do) then I take my kids father away from them. How can I do that? I feel like I can't and they'd resent me forever. So I'm stuck. Any advice or words of wisdom?

Hi op, I don't think he adds anything positive to your life all he does is make you very unhappy and this is not fair on you and sets a terrible example to your children.

Hi wining that he will go back to the US may well be an empty threat (hopefully not!).

Think through the possible outcomes:

1. you stay with him, continue to put up with his shit, get more and more unhappy and maybe your kids resent you long term for bringing them up in a miserable household.
2. you leave him, sell the house, set up with your kids a new and happy home, with no arse spending your money and making your life a misery. He stays in the UK because he actually wants to be a parent to his children, and has to get off his backside and look after himself - an all round excellent life lesson for everyone!
3. You leave and he disappears off the the USofA because he isn't actually a good parent and doesn't care about his children - in which case you are all better off anyway.

His actions are self selecting - a good father will stay...
either way you and your children win...

sorry to be blunt, but life is too short to be miserable if you have the ability and means to make things better.

Are you married? If so, the house is a joint asset and the divorce court will decide how much he gets if it's sold.

Anyone can read to children and play outside with them but it takes a real man to be a loving and caring father and role model and he's obviously not cut out for the role.

You and your dc will be much better off living without his toxic presence and if he chooses to return to the States he'll be proving that he isn't fit to be a parent.

I don't like the sound of his anger and I fear for your safety if you raise the subject of splitting up with him again. Please make contact with Women's Aid www.womensaid.org.uk as they can help you 'to stay safe during the process of separating from him.