Anyone made the decision in their late 20's/early 30's to *not* have children?

[Toohotcats]

Because I think OH and I have decided. We had a big discussion a few days ago and came to a decision that it would be best if we don't. I'm 30 and he is 40 and he has never wanted children, he mentioned something at the beginning of our relationship about liking the "idea" of children. I felt broody at the time (I was 27) but as time has gone by this feeling has disappeared. I honestly think id make a terrible mother, I have depression and so did my mum (much worse than myself and had to spend time in hospital) and witnessing her struggle with me was scary. I don't have a "support network" my oh'a parents are old and don't want the hassle (and have told he this) my dad is miles away and the only parent/family member left alive or that I have any contact with. The little contact I do have with him doesn't really constitute him helping me with a baby.
Our house is small but we could move in theory.
I'm certain OH won't change his mind over this although I have worried, that one day he could run off with a 25 year old and have lots of kids!! This may be irrational but it would be easy for him, after all.
I also worry that he might one day think "what's the point" in having a relationship if children aren't involved and that he may as we'll be alone - not entirely sure why I think this way.
Would it be unreasonable to suggest the snip, since then I can at least stop taking hormonal contraceptives.....?

I don't really understand why your dp doesn't already have a vasectomy.

Fear of childbirth and wanting to get the decision over with to me suggest that you are not that sure about this.

35 is not that old. When did your mother partner up/have kids?

I'm speaking here as someone who married aged 25 (my mother was married by 24, I thought my life was practicaly over) to someone who didn't want kids and who went on to have a vasectomy shortly after the marriage. It took me some years time to process all this, particularly as I loved him very much, but in the end I did leave him, as I realised that for me having a child would be a life-enhancing decision. I used to imagine us living in a lovely big house, full of gadgets and videos (it was a long time ago) but the two of us all alone and ageing with nothing to do except the stuff we'd already done a million times over. He was someone I came to understand who wanted life to be predictable and controllable. That was completely understandable given his childhood and I thought that him deciding against having a child and having a vasectomy were both good decisions for him. But luckily, perhaps because I had a good childhood myself, the madness of having kids has been fine for me. Not that there haven't been spectacular low points, childbirth being one of them, but in general having kids for me has been a life-enhancing experience most of the time. I would never say that people who don't want them shoudl have them - obviously - but in YOUR case I would say don't close the door for yourself.

I was adamant I didn't want children, DH wasn't bothered either way. We'd decided he'd have the snip when I was 30.

When I was 29, there was a pill scare, and I had a copper-7 fitted.

Went on maternity leave just after our 20th wedding anniversary, and dd is now nearly 18.

You just never know what's going to happen in the future.

I've never been interested in having children. I've had some minor broody periods that lasted about a week, but were soon forgotten. I do like children, but don't ever see myself having them and never have.

I've never been pregnant. Been on the pill, mostly, since I was 16 with a break of around 2 years using condoms shortly after getting married. The pill suits me though especially as I like to have my periods when it suits me.

My XH was happy not have kids with me. However we split up (due to his EA and other poor behaviour) and he has gone on to have a baby with his new wife. I'm happy to be step mum to DP's DC but it's underlined my wish not to have kids. DP would like kids with me but he respects my decision. I'm nearly 40 now and to be frank am happy with my life as it is.

I do think YWBU to suggest your DP has the snip. It's not your decision for a start. It sounds like you want him to have it to prevent him having kids with anyone else in the future. Even if he had the snip, he could still leave you and have kids or step-kids with someone else. It wouldn't bind him to you.

I've never considered sterilization partly because I wanted to leave my options open 'just in case' and partly because I've been happy on the pill so there's been no need. If you don't want to take hormones, use condoms or try the copper coil.

I'm childfree and life is perfect! The childfree FB pages are the only thing keeping me sane from getting bingoed weekly and all the other crap that-infuriatingly-men don't get asked.
A vasectomy is something only he can choose, you don't sound very secure in your relationship-is he a boyfriend or are you married? I can't imagine a boyfriend wanting to get a vasectomy, it seems like a big commitment to someone you have no legal ties to (this doesn't make much sense written down!) have you looked into the different IUDs? Some don't have hormones. Neither do condoms, which is what I'm switching to soon after half my life has been spent on the pill!

You really can't predict how you will feel in the future. I didn't want dcs, until I was 39, then I did. I now have 2, and they are most definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not saying you will change your mind, just pointing out that you might.

Yes
Slightly different in that I never wanted kids, never played with dolls as a kid. Then I met my partner in my late 20's. He always made it clear he wanted kids so we stayed just good friends. I don't know what changed but DD is now 7. I'm 45.

Forgot to say. She was planned!

Totally your choice, but definitely don't let your DP's view affect yours. Many relationships are finite even if you don't think so at the time and many a good woman has trashed her life for a selfish man.

I have seen it from the other side. I would have been happy never to have had children. I married exH who wanted children and fell into the children trap and they have completely taken over my life. He was a selfish self-indulgent twunt who cheated repeatedly and buggered off with a younger woman leaving me with three children, one with SN.

I love my children but my whole life revolves around them and they are not all joy. Having children and being sole carer even before he left wrecked my career as I just couldn't cope with the strain any more. Currently they are young teenagers and two out of three are a stroppy pain in the bum. I can't even live where I want to because I have to stay near exH so he can have his weekends to play Disney dad. Worse still I have to put up with continued contact with him and his PA twuntishness when if I were free I'd happily move to the other side of the world to never have to see or hear from him again.

My past decisions, my fault, but if I had my time again I certainly would never let a partner's views drive my life decisions.

Gosh, some interesting replies.
There are so many reasons for me, but another is that I just know I couldn't give them the life I would like them to have - I mean look at how things are at the moment, I was just reading in the paper that most renters wont be able to buy until they're at least 40. I won't ever be able to buy but that's another story. I just don't have much money. My friends tell me you'd find the money - where from?? Hmm..

I'm 25 so not really the demographic you're looking at but I decided about ten years ago that I didn't want kids and I've never wavered. People are really patronising about it and genuinely believe that I'll change my mind but I know myself and kids just don't fit into the way I want to live my life. DP and I are really spontaneous and love to travel, I value quiet time to myself and I'm just not the sort of person who could put a child's needs ahead of my own without becoming resentful.

My mum was selfish, impatient, unsympathetic, shouty and short tempered. I would be the same if I had a child.

I know that people get really butthurt if you compare having children to having pets but DP and I got a puppy a couple of years ago and we adore him but it really sealed the deal as far as staying childless goes. He's needy and loud and attention seeking, he stops us having the same freedom that we enjoyed previously and the puppy stage was just a horrible blur of crying, poop and disturbed sleep.