How important is sex in your relationship?

[Drivingmecrazy30]

Just that really? Are there other things that are more important to make your relationship work?

I was about to add that for us it is also about physical affection- hugs, big bear hugs, holding hands, cuddling, kissing- quite apart from sex. I think that is just as important. I have had a relationship before I met DH with someone who with held physical affection as a means of showing me he was annoyed with me and I hated it. DH is just a loving, affectionate person and he never uses affection as some sort of emotional control.

Incredibly important. To be frank the joy of amazing sex is beyond any other joy. I love my DH for many reasons: he is a kind man, a great dad, a hard worker, a good listener but all those things pop into mind after the fact that he is completely fantastic in bed and brings me extreme physical pleasure for about one out of every twenty four hours of my life.

Very. We are both grumpy if we don't get any action for a few days. DH gets very grumpy indeed.

Icing on the cake for us, not the the cake itself.

We are naturally very huggy/talky as a couple anyway but sex is fun and very pleasurable.

For me it is all about the closeness. without sex I feel we lose some of our connection. When we are having plenty of sex, we laugh more, we talk more and generally have more fun together And seem more in sync. I think it is a huge part of keeping us connected. Physical affection in all forms contributes to this imo.

It's also one of the few things that we can do that is just us. Since having dd we are always mummy and daddy. When we have sex we can just focus on each other, and be off duty for a while. We are just flanj and flanjdp, not mummy and daddy. It's like a break from all the responsibility and a reminder of what 'us' is.

Wow some of the replies are making me jealous sounds like I have been missing out I am still sad that my marriage has ended even though I know he loves me but I guess he can't give me the closeness and connection I need hence us growing apart!

Really important to me too.
DP and I have had some issues recently and we've had sex once in the last month. We don't live together yet, but he's here 3-5 night a week. He hasn't been sleeping well and so is knackered when we go to bed. But still.... I am missing the closeness like mad not to mention I am horny as hell. I don't really know how to bring this up with DP without upsetting him or making him defensive.

It's important to me but it seems like it started off great and dwindled down to him poking me in the back with his boner in the wee hours of the morning expecting me to be insta ready.

Sorry, but that just doesn't turn me on.

Oh dear god magic - boner in the back - my ex used to do that! There is NOTHING alluring about a boner in the back!!!

It's more important to me than it is to my OH, I think. We don't have children so we don't even have that extra stress and we only manage around twice a week. I'd love more and have always wanted more and to experiment, but after nearly 3 years I think I need to accept things as they are. I'm not sure I can face the idea that he may not "fancy" me enough .. I believe he does but I think it can also be down to self esteem - he has confidence issues and watched quite a lot of porn before he met me , also when growing up so I don't think this helps. I didn't watch any porn growing up and had no interest, and lost my virginity to someone I loved at 17 (ended up as a ltr) my OH, didn't meet his first gf til he was 27 and this was a fling. (I'm 30, he's 40) so I think past experiences can affect things.
Hormonal contraceptives don't help and one day I can be horny as anything and practically begging, while other times it really is the last thing on my mind - it seems to be one extreme or the other.

It's important to know that it's 'there' iyswim. It's waned greatly, we were at it all the time at the start, as is normal, but now it's quite infrequent but when we do it's good. There's plenty of general snogging and hugging and sexual innuendo all the time so it never seems far off, just in reality we're asleep by the time our head hits the pillow.

I think the most important thing is sexual compatibility. If both partners can take or leave sex (or even actively avoid it) but show affection in different ways, that is no less of a relationship than one where they set the sheets on fire every night.

Very envious of all these people having sex twice a week! It's once a week for us at the best of times.... I have a much higher sex drive.

More envious at the 4/5 times per week - ers..!!!!!

Vital.

toohotcats yep Anything more than once a week and I am jealous!

We only get round to it once or twice a month but either one of us is is able to make a move to start it off and the other responds appropriately I think this means we are compatible in our drive. It's also a fair share of the 'instigations'.

I think I'm broken. I love the boner in the back

I often fall asleep before DP, and every time he comes to get in to bed, he holds me from behind. He falls asleep and wakes up this exact same way every day. He just loves to hold me. That doesn't wake me up. But within seconds, I feel something prodding my back and I know he's joined me in bed

My sleep is then disturbed pleasantly.

I am absolutely insanely attracted to my dp 10 years on. I would love to have sex every day, several times if possible but for various reasons that isn't the case. Health issues have made her less inclined to want sex and I've found that very difficult. However, she is very loving and affectionate in other ways and I know she finds me very attractive. When we do have sex it is always fantastic. My previous partner and I were not compatible in that way at all and to be honest I can see now that I wasn't attracted to her enough.

Token you aren't alone. I love it too. What's wrong with your partner feeling turned on by being close to you? Imo its a good thing! I guess it depends on how you feel about them in general really.

Me too. Love waking up with DH really turned on and having sleepy sex then falling asleep cuddled up again.

Sex is extremely important. It brings us closer together, connects us and we get on/ relate better after sex. We probably have sex around 3 times in an average week. I fancy him and desire him in that physical way. For him I believe it is also really important/ feels very similar.

I'm with the minority as well, on a scale of what is important in our relationship, sex is not the main priority.

Love, respect, intimacy/affection, friendship... The sex side can be sorted out, but the other stuff is far more important.

At the end of the day, anyone can have sex with anyone. It isn't a special connection that you can only have with your significant other, the other stuff is.

Sex will, in many cases, drop off over the years, it's the other stuff that makes a relationship work.

The marriage which solely based on sex will end miserably

It is said that sexual appeal will only last 2 years for most of couples, this is like nature law, we cant change it.

Sure, to say only last 2 years is a genelization, everyone is different, so maybe some last several months, some more than 10 years, if you consider all the combinations.

This topic is still a taboo, because marriage is not just about sex, marriage is far beyond sex, far more complex. So not so much sex in a marriage is considered normal. if someone say this is not normal, and people begin to agree with it, then families will debacle, he whole society will be in chaos. Hence this topic is a taboo.

The marriage which solely based on sex will end miserably. For example, two love birds fall in love at the first sight, they cant wait to see each other in no time, they hold hands daily, make love like rabbits.....but after several years when the passion is faded, they begin to feel void for each other, they get nothing to stick to together, they have to find another love at first sight.

Lust is wanting to sleep with someone, what is wanting? wanting means you and him are still separated, that is, not yet secured each other, not completely owned each other.

But after two secure each other, own each other, familiar with each other, the lust will fade, becuse the wanting is over, the lust turns to sheer love,just like brothers and sisters.

In one post in this forum, one woman whines she dont fancy her husband any more due to long time marriage, I think she is selfish, she only thinks of sex, this is very narrow-minded. I can tell you, if marriage is solely based on sex, all the families in this world will end in several months to a couple of years.

At last, some advise for couples who want the lust to last longer based on the abovementioned lust-turns-to-love-law:

1. try best to make her/him feel it is hard to get you, be a little bit mysterous. Remember the lust wil over when she/he completely have you and know you inside out.

1. dont be too nice, too submisive, occasionally use refusal, just to make the other feel it is not so easy to get you. The LESS easy she/he can get you, the MORE your sexual appeal is!

1. dont hold hands too often, dont show too much affection, even you cant help it, but hold back. Keep some distance, you should let the candle burn slowly, not finish it in a splendid but short burn, if you get my picture.

1. it is the best if you two are in saparate circles, and only see each other at nights.

1. at the beginning of relationship, avoid having sex more than 3 times a week.

*Some of you may think the advise is radiculous, but you will thank me after years of marriage (or being together), this idea is not just from me, it is from a sex expert after invetigating millions of couples.

I can see most of people here are still in early relationship, just become new moms, no idea what I am talking about, still naively thinking all the nice things about sex and marriage, and unaware what future will become.*

Some of you may think the advise is radiculous

Yes, afraid so. Try a more appropriate site for you?