What time do you go to bed?

[loopylou6]

I work part time, dh works full time 8-5.
Recently his bedtime is becoming an issue, he goes to bed between 9:30/10, which then leaves me sitting on my own, which can be frustrating after being alone all day, even worse so on the days I work because I don't get home until around 8:15pm.
I get that he's tired, but, even when he's not in work the next day, he will still go to bed at that time claiming he needs to use his time off to catch up on sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting him to stay up until the early hours, I wouldn't even want to do that myself.
I'm being selfish arnt I?

You cant control when someone else goes to bed !
Im a 10pm at the latest person- I would be tired and very grumpy if DP forced me to stay up.

Am in bed now
Night everyone !

If you are going to suggest one night a week where he stays up then it's only fair that you too change your pattern and do one night a week where you go to bed earlier and get up earlier. He's not wrong in what he does, neither are you so if there's a compromise to be had you both should be doing it.

We go to bed around 09:30, DP is up at 04:30 for work each morning. I'm up at six so will stay up to 11ish watching TV on the iPad.

I think you both need to grow up and accept that sleep times are biological and not something you can just change.

If he told you to go to bed at 9.30 could you? So why should he be able to stay up?

Unlucky for you both you've married someone with opposite body clocks. You need to have a grown up convo about how to manage this. Not whine and wake each other up.

Lots of people here go to bed very early!
Is this a north-south divide I wonder?
How can you go to bed in summer at 9.30 when it's still daylight?!

We go to bed between 11-11.30 but closer to 11 and get up at 7am.
An early night would be 10.30
DH leave the house at 7.45 and comes home between 6.30-7pm. We eat around 7-7.30 so no way could we be ready for bed by 9.30.

OP- is there any chance that his going to be dearly is a way of opting out of your relationship- ie talking to you etc- or is it purely that he needs the sleep?

Opting out of the relationship?! Really?! When you've just stated yourself that LOTS of people on here do it, therefore it's obviously normal?!?!

It's not opting out of the relationship. The poor guy has to wake up at 6.45am every morning. He's clearly a person who needs a good, solid block of sleep!

Only on mumsnet could somebody's sleeping pattern, which is fairly normal considering his working hours, seem him to be checking out of the relationship.

surprised by all the people on here with early bedtimes (what I consider early anyway) 9.30? really?
I work full time, as does DH, both leave the house at 8am, both up 6.30a.m, i'm back to pick kids up at 5.30-6, DH back around 7pm. We generally go to bed around 11-11.30 which appears to be the 'norm' among our social circle. 6.45am is not actually considered early in the morning really, most people who work a full time 'standard 9-5.30 ish job would be up at that time every day!
Our kids are at primary school and don't go to bed until 9pm on a weeknight!
Each to their own though

Another 9.30pm bedtime here too! Sometimes DH comes to bed with me but often stays up later. I'm not a brilliant sleeper and neither is DS2 so half the time I get up in the night to him or random wake ups so need early nights!

Our days start early too though, we're up by 5.30/6 at latest as leave for school at 7am

TokenGinger, it's not the first thing that springs to mind on the facts but it's always worth asking the question. On this occasion nobody asked it for nearly 2 pages, which is some kind of record!

Sometimes people do go to bed awfully early in order to avoid a spouse whose company they don't really enjoy. But also, some people have quite different sleep patterns. Here, the OP is lonely in the evenings because she's up later, whilst the DH is lonely on weekend mornings because he's up earlier. It seems they would enjoy each other's company if only they were both awake at the same time more often. Of course, if it turns out DH is frantically texting upstairs for an hour every night, rather than flaked out as his wife assumes, that's a different story entirely...

Yes, 9.30 is incredibly early. If you work a usual day ( which in the south may consist of a commute) loads of people don't get home till 7pm. Many of our friends go to bed later than us- midnight is quite common. Most people need 7-8 hours sleep, so going to bed at 9.30pm and getting up at 6.45 ( not early- quite normal for many people) is 'early' in comparison.

One other point- if and when you have teenagers, you will find they are up till all hours, so any plan you have to be in bed and asleep by 9.30 as parents will fly out of the window!

9.30 seems like an incredibly early night for a 7.45 departure in the morning to me, (I go to bed 11.30-12 to get up between 7 and 7.30) but if that's what he needs then that is what he needs.

I'm usually in bed exhausted by 10pm, but my dh could easily sit up until midnight.
I usually have at least one night a week where I have an early night and I head to bed about 9 with my kindle so I can catch up on some sleep and then stay up a bit later than normal the next night with dh.

We both go to bed at 10pm in the week (pretty much on the dot - we look at the clock an say, oops, bedtime already quite often, which is very embarrassing as we've just said that 2.5 hours earlier when the kids' bedtime rolls around :o )

We both get up at 6am in the week - me to get the kids up (the older ones catch a 7am school bus), him to leave for work at 6.20am!

Friday and Saturday we go later - around midnight... though Friday depends and can be earlier.

I do all night waking (which still happens a couple of times a week) and night time illness. We alternate getting up with the kids at weekends, though theoretically we don't have to get up as soon as they do any more because they're getting older... We have a rule that they have to stay in their rooms til 7am at weekends but although the older 2 stick to it the youngest is a bit of a slippery customer and will get up around 6 and get into our bed, where he wriggles and kicks and witters and asks questions and after 10 minutes claims to be starving hungry... rather than doing the mythical sleepy weekend cuddles I hear people claim are what happens when small children climb into their parents bed...

I am a sahm but work 3 evenings a week in term time and one in the holidays, and get in just before 10pm on two of the term time evenings, though about 8.30pm on the other one. Sometimes my brain is buzzing after work and I stay up half an hour, but I still have to get up at 6am, so not usually.

It works for us because we both get up at the same time Monday to Friday.

I'm going to go with majority on this one I can't stay up later than 10pm very often. Friends tease me and say that my lights switch off at 9.45. They apparently, literally, see my eyes glaze over and know that my batteries have run out!

I can understand why being on your own so much is frustrating but he might be like me and have nothing of value to offer after 9.30!

You lot go to bed really early. The day hasn't finished yet!

On a work night I can be up till 1:00am sometimes later and up by 07:15 (alarm goes off at 06:45)
Out of the house by 08:00 to get to work by 09:00, work till 18:00 home by 19:00.
No change at the weekend but I will wake up naturally at about 08:30 - 09:30

9:30-10pm for me as well. Although I usually read for a bit as well.
Alarm goes off at 6:30am and I don't have to be at work until 8am but I like to take my time. I don't have breakfast at home either. Just not ready for it that early.
I much prefer mornings to evenings. I get loads more done although I have heaps of time in the evenings.
Can you not align your body clocks.
Get up at the same time as him and go to the gym or something?

Wow, thanks for all the replies, it would seem his bedtime is normal then.
We spoke last night again, and he says he will make a real effort to stay up with me 1-2 nights a week.
I like the idea of me having an early night with him too, like you say, gotta play fair :)
Oh and btw, I have seriously NO worries about him checking out the relationship, we adore each other, and yes, he does crash straight away, no furious texting going on

Have become a night owl as I've got older. Used to be in bed for 10/10.30, up at 6.30. Nowadays bed is rarely before 11.30, often closer to 1am, and up between 6.45 and 7.15, depending if I am working that morning.

hells, I don't want to go to bed that early every night tho, I feel it's a waste, I don't expect him to stay up with me every night, once or twice a week would be nice. We'll see if he can stick to his promise, Saturday night is perfect as no work for either of us Sunday

We both go to bed around 9.30pm. I'm up at 5 and DP is up at 6 for work. We don't have the same days off and neither of us really WANT to stay up much later. If I do, I find my sleep pattern is out of whack for a few days and I'm really grumpy.

We both finish work early though so we have from 4.30-9.30pm everyday to what we want together (or separately) which definitely helps.

DP is on 3 weeks of 3:15 wake-ups right now so I'm actually just staying up until he leaves so I don't get woken up at 3am by his alarm. The last two nights I've gone to sleep after 6am and woken up at 2pm or later! I'm a student again though and on my summer break. Hardcore teenage regression.

Drew
I get up at 5.30- have to be at work for 7 am- so 2 hours before you.
Which is why I go to bed at 10pm.
I would get 4and a half hours sleep if I went to bed at 1am.
Sadly I am too old for that !