Was anyone else taken in by their DH/DP's promises?

[maryhada]

DH and I have been married for 6 years. Before we were married he seemed really amitious career-wise and said that he would do well with his business and we would have a lovely house, children at independent school and that I would be able to stay at home when we had a family.
Since we got married things have really changed. None of what he promised has come about, in fact we can't afford to pay the mortgage on the house we have got. When I mention this, he just says how glad that he has a business that allows him to spend so much time at home with me and dd. When he's not at work he spends most of his time sitting in front of the television. He doesn't like his work but when I ask why he doesn't explore one or other of the business ideas he used to talk about all the time he just says that it won't work because of x, y or z and that's the end of it. I now feel that I have to take responsibility for earning the money for the family because he no longer seems to care.
I know that you don't marry someone just for the lifestyle you believe they will provide, but I do feel disappointed and a bit tricked because he promised so much, delivered so little and seems so unconcerned about this. Did anyone elese's DH /DP fail to deliver what they'd promised, or is it just me being unfair?

I can see you're disappointed he's become less ambitious, and agree that he may be depressed, but I think you've skipped a huge gem in there - "he says how glad that he has a business that allows him to spend so much time at home with me and dd".

I'm tempted to suggest that you enjoy what you have - a DH who enjoys being home and involved with dd - rather than wishing for something else, which could have beeen a driven, ambitious, workaholic DH who never sees you or dd but showers you with material things instead to make up for it?
Could you see yourself in a parrallel life posting 'DH works so hard, we have a big house and everything money can buy, but I'm so lonely and miserable and he doesn't seem to care about dd'?

It may be radical but could it work if DH took more responsibility for dd (am not suggesting complete SAHD-dom if you need both incomes) and took some of the home stress off you?

We are happy, although I'm often tired and stressed because of work. To a degree, I think he is disappointed that his business has not turned out as he has expected but I have offered to support us while he tries at something else that he prefers.

I think 'not bothering to make his business work' is a VERY harsh statment. Sometimes business simply don't work out. Often trying other business ideas costs money - which when you're already struggling financially can ruin you.

fair point fannieannie, was just trying to pick up on why OP felt so let down.

Maryhada, you keep saying you're happy. That's good.

Your OP sounds completely the opposite.

I don't think I said 'not bothering to make his business work'. I don't think he is depressed. I think it's more that what he wants from life has radically changed but mine hasn't. Many of you have agreed at how unfair I am, but that said, how am I to get past this?

yes, but mary, your first post wasn't exactly measured or many-angled.

now of course, we see there is more to the story.

maryhada - that wasn't directed at you - someone else used the phrase and I was saying that it was an unfair one - not at you at all

HD, why do you think he is so unhappy?

As someone who has taken a step back from her career once children arrived (which I did not expect to do), I sometimes wonder if my dh feels the way you do. I was always convinced that I would want to carry on working after children. I was ambitious, and although my career wouldn't have supported the lifestyle you describe, it would make our financial position much easier. But I was completely taken aback when I had children. I did NOT want to work. I did work for just over a year when my first child was just over a year old due to my husband's disatisfaction with his job, but as soon as I had dd I stopped and I haven't gone back. I'm studying part time, and being a drain on, rather than contributor to finances. It isn't how I expected things to work out, but as I said, everything changed when we had the children. My dh is entirely supportive of this. If he wasn't, then we would have to find a compromise.

Yes, I still love him hugely, I just wanted some help in coming to terms with it.

Maryhada, I don't know why he's so unhappy. You only say he is. I'm only going on what you've told us.

matyhada - I think that the OP wasn't well worded. It sounded as if you were sitting on your backside and whingeing because DH hadn't kept you in the prosperous life of leisure that you had been promised. OPbviously that isn't the case. It sounds to be as if your DH is suffering from the same condition that my DH (and others I'm guessing) suffer from - the erroneous belief that when they get home from work they are entitled to sit around and do bugger all!!! Children change a lot of things - maybe they have also changed his priorities and ambitions. When DH and I got married he had just started.