Girlfriend always contacts the same guy when we break up/argue.

[Confused7281]

Advice needed please.
I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months. When we got together she was also dating another guy which she finished with and started a relationship with me.
My problem is that everytime we fall out she contacts this other guy. We broke up for 4 weeks about 3 months ago in which she went out with this guy and slept with him. I accepted this as we weren't together but just recently we broke up for 2 weeks and once again she contacted this guy and arranged another date, she didn't go on this date as we got back together and is always truthful with me.

I'm confused, does she love me, does she like this other guy, does she want to be with this other guy,should I leave her, should I contact this guy myself as he doesn't know that when she contacts him we have literally just broken up, do I accept it as when she does we're not together. I have so many questions and I'm so confused and devastated over it to be honest? I feel as though this other guy is always there now and I can't bear it.
I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I don't want to lose her but at the same time I can't be a fool. We do have our problems but we also have so much going right for us so please don't think this is a terrible relationship as it's not.
Someone please help me, I'd ask friends and family for help but I can't bear for anyone to know about this.
Thank you.

You are 34? Really? Wow!

You are being an idiot with this girl love. Really!

The arguments "get out of hand" - what do you mean by that? Do you get violent? Does she? Verbally? Emotionally abusive? What?

This isn't working, she's dicking about with you and this other guy.

Why do you have so little self respect? Who taught you that this is an acceptable relationship?

She does not love you.

YOU do not love you either.

End it, get yourself an std test and take a break from dating. Regroup and give yourself some value.

So you've been together 9 months and split up twice for 6 weeks of that, and you've talked about marriage already and when you argue you can't resolve it but break up instead. Then when you split up she can't bear to be alone with the hurt but has to run back to back up bloke and then tell you about it.

As said it all seems like a lot of hard work for a 9 month relationship.

He's her Plan B. Given the choice between you and him, she seems to choose you every time. However, when the two of you break up she goes back to him, because she'd rather be with him (someone who is semi-familiar and who she apparently likes and was just getting to know when you met), than on her own. I don't think she's playing you off against each other, I just think that she doesn't like to be alone and if he's hanging around with nothing better to do, then she'll hook up with him rather than mope around on her own.

TBH, the two of you sound very volatile together. That's often the case - when its good its AMAZING, but when its not you argue so much you break up. That kind of relationship doesn't usually bode well in the long term. Generally its better to marry someone you can rub along with and not have such crazy highs and lows.

Wow. I wasn't expecting you to be my age! You sound very, very young. That's not a bad thing but should be an indication of how childish this is!

The thing is, if this guy was a fuck buddy and knew that's what he was well then she technically hasn't done anything wrong. Whether or not that's ethical is open to interpretation. I wouldn't act that way.

Either way; 9 months and two break ups is insane. Having this other poor mug hanging around the outskirts of your relationship is inappropriate for many reasons.

You'd both be better off dumping her arse, tbh.