Kissed the boss!

[Annfies69]

Hey Mumsnet

I'm very new to this site, with only signing up this morning as really need advice. I know I'll get some kinda backlash but I'm ready for it.

For the past year We have had a new general manager on site, seemed nice to meet but once in workplace, was a nightmare, always shouting, nothing was ever good enough. Never spoke to our team, if so only to pick fault... Until February this year, when something went wrong and I owed up that, indeed it was me that caused the problem. He took me into the office and thanked me for been honest and open and since then our working relationship has changed. He's more fun to be around, He speaks to us more openly now, he's trying to be apart of the team and I can see a lot of things from his point of view. We even started to text outside of work and not always about work.

Our team have social nights, which we invite the whole team, including management. Few weeks ago we had a said night out in which our boss agreed to come along too. It started off that he hardly spoke to me, we sat opposite sides of the table and only said hello. Over the course of the night, I was involved in a conversation with work friends when he came and sat to my side, so close that when he moved his hand it was brushing off My side and my leg which at first felt weird cos he's not a touchy person and goes lengths to avoid touch and there was plenty of space in the seating area to avoid touch. At one point he put his hand on my knee to help him lean over. As the drinks started to flow, he asked if I wanted another drink and asked me to go to the bar with him, so I did. At the bar we got talking about work and just general things, having a good laugh, yes maybe a bit flirting too, which must of got noticed as a random man at the bar commented "you's two should get a room" to which we laughed off and I said he's my boss.

As the night progressed, the more touchy feely we became, linking arms, hugs (I do this to everyone when one to many is had), we talked about how kids were, if I was enjoying work etc then me telling him that I thought he didn't listen to what I was saying about troubles at work and that he didn't like me as a work colleague to which he replied "I listen to you, more then you know I do, and I do like you, your one of my favourites" which I laughed off due to him getting abit tipsy, the other lasses who we were out with were joking on with him, lifting his top and stroking his belly which he laughed at. As the night continued in the nightclub, it was only me, him and another work colleague (who was drunk) we started to dance together, holding hands. Leaning against each other. I told him "I always got what I wanted "and he said "yeah I know you do"! (This was due to something that happened at work.) When waiting for a drink at bar, I started to run my nails up and down his back, which he enjoyed, asking me to do it again when I stopped, I continued on to his stomach and chest, which he liked also. We headed back to the dance floor and found the lass we were left with. As the song "hold my hand" came on, me and my boss held hands and were dancing and sing the song to each other, when he kissed me, not full on but a on one the lips. I was quite taken aback by it and walked off to loos, when I came back out he was watching for me and smiled when I got closer, asked if I was ok and just said yes... What was I suppose to say and do, I enjoyed it! I stood by my friend who was at this point practically falling over waiting for her boyfriend to come and take her home, he was asking if she was alright and if we wanted help and again was stood so close, I looked up and kissed him, he pulled back and asked what was that? He smiled and came back to kiss me, But this time my friend was looking when it happened and I just laughed it off to her but I felt something, I knew I wanted this to happen and if she hadn't been watching I would of kissed him more and not just a quick kiss.

My heads been all over the place this last week or so, we've had to work together to finalise the end of the working year, he's not mentioned nothing about that night out, never mind the kiss, he's spoke the odd word to me and called me "LauraLou" (a nickname that I've never been called) to get my attention. So I thought I would try and forget about it... But I can't :(. The drunken friend can remember us kissing but she only seen him kiss me... The once, I said that I couldn't remember it happening as don't want to be known as the girl that kisses the boss but I just can't stop thinking of the kiss and that I felt something. Now I am scared that I have ruined not only working relationship but our friendship too. I know he is much to blame as me but I can't stop thinking about it.

Neither of us are married but have children from previous relationships.

If someone was in London asking for directions to the station to catch a train to Sydney, I'd give them directions to the airport. And explain why

Mini That is what I meant r.e Him calling her by the "unique nickname" ... As it happens I did read the OP. Shocking, I know.

It could be said that he was giving off a sign, but it could be said he is just having fun with no real intention of committing to anything. He's her boss, he has his own life and own interests. For all we know he could just be enjoying leading the OP up the garden path. We don't know anything for sure.

But we do know that he is her boss and she is still feeling edgy about what took place and she is feeling shaky regarding their professional/personal relationship. Therefore, it would be best for her to play normal and nonchalant. This doesn't mean that the 'little woman' should take shelter from the 'man in charge' it is about maintaining the OPs peace of mind. She is already repeating it and replying it in her mind.

You are not being helpful by (pathetically) trying to pick apart my posts. Or encouraging her to add more pressure to the state she is currently in. This isn't a drama on Netflix. I'd encourage you to stop being a drama seeking leech and see what is infact a woman who needs reassurance and not some star-crossed lovers romance.

Way, way OTT Cabrinha, and not of much relevance to the story.

i do think a lot of Mn presume people work in places like Ernst Young though, with rigid ideas of professionalism, not maybe a family welding firm in worksop

I could be as wrong or as right as anyone on this thread.

What we know as fact is that he was a crap boss. My opinion is that bosses who don't treat staff with respect are unlikely to make good boyfriends.

Workplace relationships can work. Bosses drunkenly kissing subordinates is always unprofessional but can work out.

But I think the odds are against it, given what else OP has said about him having that other women touching him, and him being a crap boss in the first place.

My opinion - he sounds like a creep and an arse, and the OP should beware because she stands to lose workplace credibility over him.

I could encourage you to stop being a po-faced old boot InTheBox but I don't think it will make much difference.

I could also encourage you not to panic when people don't agree with you, and squeal 'I didn't mean that' when posters point out the implications of your pov.

As regards a sign, for those at the back: they are both aware they kissed, but they're not sure now what the other is thinking or how to broach it. He's giving her a subtle hint by using a nickname, so she needs to bat the ball back to see gauge his interest. He will either respond or he won't. If he doesn't she knows exactly where she stands, they can draw a line under it and they can go back to being professional colleagues.

Claiming she is going to end up without a job on the basis of this scenario is absurd.

Lost my post, damn!

MaryBerry, fair point about the environment. I have assumed not a small family firm, from the talk of general managers, the OP's team and inviting whole management teams. To me that was the language of a chain shop branch or a medium sized office.

It could well be that I'm OTT on the level of embarrassment due for drunkenly snogging the boss.

I just keep coming back in mind to the OP's initial view of a manager. He sounded shouty and disrespectful so I'm not seeing good boyfriend material. Not everyone can manage, I would have taken against him if she said he was crap at decisions, or team development, perhaps. But shouting at people and not bothering with them doesn't sound great.

Just the vibe I get.

And I just have this mental image of this drunken boss lapping up attention of the team fawning over him stroking his belly...!

But - maybe I'm just old and dull

Bottom line, if OP likes him, just ask him out. But have a think first about how it could affect a job she loves.

My old boss kissed me when I was a little worse for wear on a works night out once (he was sober).

I slugged him right across the face on behalf of both myself and his long term girlfriend. Slimy bastard - I think he really thought he was in with a chance You can insert a very Cher from Clueless "As if!" here.

I wouldn't get involved, OP. Work place relationships can be really complicated. Unless you're head over heels in love with the guy and really don't want to regret not having a go, I'd steer well clear.

I don't think there's enough information to make that call Cabrinha, he was a bit OTT when he first arrived, but he seems to have calmed down now.
He may have been nervous/ stressed about settling into a new role/ new company, and come on too strong.

If this turned into a relationship there wouldn't be much to say about how it started. Although no doubt you could wag your finger about alcohol consumption nonetheless.

Bottom line is stuff goes down the world over, including Ernst & Young, and people deal with it.

That was in reply to your 19:13 post, Cabrinha ^^

You know I don't work for E&Y, yes?
In fact, I used to do some work for something very close to a family welding firm
Where my XH - one of the bosses - before he met me (not at work) used to get drunk and snog his secretary

We're both making different assumptions here, and we're as likely to be wrong as each other. Who knows.

Perhaps I'm projecting too strongly some people I've worked with. Lines like "you're one of my favourites" just makes me cringe, tbh.

Unfair as it may be sometimes, I think an extra pinch of salt is no bad idea when the situation is between a boss and subordinate.

Noooo, I really don't think she should just ask him out, too obvious and as such too difficult to come back from if he says no. He kissed her, he has given her a nickname, he has tried to flirt with her, he has told her she is a "favorite" All she need do is give him a subtle and not too obvious sign she maybe interested. If he doesn't bite, no loss of face. No loss of job.

In years gone by men and women met at work. Now we have the drunken night out and online dating, and somehow we fail to ask why has the world of work now become off bounds. Work now becomes more social with interpersonal skills now being ascendant, the ability to chatter, make contacts, to persuade and sell, to use intuition, it would seem that these very same skills are actually in short supply! why is it that so many firms look for lively chattering team players whilst also writing into the contracts no personal relationships....erm...well its all about one thing...some chatter creates profit, other chatter doesn't.

The E&Y was in reference to MaryBerry's post...

Ironically, I worked in the city for 10 years, before leaving to set up my own businesses. Ime bankers kiss bankers, lawyers kiss lawyers, management consultants, accountants ditto. People get involved with their superiors, despite the fact everyone knows it's not ideal. It goes on everywhere.

No disrespect to the OP, but her grammar isn't 100%, I don't get the impression this is a massively high level wherever it is. By the account of what's gone on to date, it doesn't sound like it's going to matter very much.

Cabrinha I think we should bow out now as we are too po-faced. Perhaps even old and dull!

Consequences apparently mean nothing to some so I'd say we stop banging our heads against a wall and wish the OP the best.

Good Luck OP! Please consider all the opinions on this thread. But put yourself first in any decision you make.

I think it's always the case when you read an OP that you invent a narrative a bit.
And each one of us could be right, but even if not, I think it can help an OP on clarifying their own thoughts. If you're feeling unsure and then someone (maybe me) posts something that's way out, the OP can think "oh it's not like that - ah, it's like this" and make their decision.

OK, maybe OP isn't going to lose her career over snogging her boss.

But I've read threads on here from people saying they need to leave a job they love because they've snogged someone and it hasn't worked out. That would be a shame.

OP said in a work context this guy's attitude changed when she was honest over a work mistake. If he values honestly, then maybe the best approach is to say she enjoyed the other night and does he fancy going out for a drink together?

If he says yes - then, fine. There are 2 married couples who met at work on my floor! (Not E&Y but corporate enough, we even have policies about it! Not about banning it, just about separating directing reporting lines)

But OP needs to think about the impact on her job currently and how she'd feel working together if they split up. Some people, you feel are worth the risk.

I still don't like the sound of him - but horses for courses! He probably wouldn't think much of me as I gave him the face over my OJ as the other girls tickled him tummy

InTheBox can you not let Cabrinha speak for herself? I am enjoying reading her posts, its great that OP is getting a variety of responses.

Office fuck bad luck.
Sorry.

Twinklestein You are laughable, according to the grammar it doesn't seem that this is "massively high level." How did you hone your 'high-level' skills?
We should all take a bow to you, 10 years working in the in the city!? Accountants kissing accountants, lawyers kissing lawyers... Everyone, take note for the benchmark has arrived!!

I was DPs boss, 15 years later and two children and despite having a few drunken nights out no one tickled my tummy, neither did I pounce on him when he was drunk. He very bravely asked me out

I think it can work out but you need to take into account how it may effect your working relationship.

I read this as "management team" many bosses, several depts so it is possible perhaps to move to another team if need be. I also read this as two people liking each other, one wondering how he can get her to respond, and the other worrying about whether she should. If she wants to, then I and others have given her some suggestions.

Are you drunk InTheBox?

Of course the OP needs to be careful Cabrinha, I don't disagree with you there, but no doubt she's aware of that.

I've never heard of anyone having to quit over a snog. Sexual harassment - yes, a relationship gone badly wrong - yes, or at least move department. But the workplace relationships that work out don't end up on here, any more than the happy marriages.

I'm with Mini, it sounds like he likes her and he instigated the contact, she seems to like him back. If it comes to the point that they both like each other, they'll have some difficult decisions to make, and she has more to lose than he does. But they're not there yet.

One of my best friends kissed her boss after a work drink (McKinsey as it goes, just to underline that these shenanigans are universal), and they're now married with two sons.

Inthebox knows the score! OP it was a bizarrely detailed post, however it does sound like you like each other. Keep schtum and professional for now. Do not, as others have suggested, make weird provocative comments in work hours. I'm sure all will unfold at its own pace. No doubt he will make his intentions known.

More name dropping and preening Twinklestein One of your best friends at McKinsey no less.

I'm not drunk but judging from your opinions and advice I'd hazard a guess that you're not drunk either. I'd say you're probably just itching for a car crash to live vicariously through. Sorry to disappoint but I do hope my grammar measures up.

Great, more advice to wait on the man's 'intentions'.

Adults don't kiss and then pretend it hasn't happened, that's what teenagers do. I don't agree that it's provocative to acknowledge something that has happened between them, it's just common sense. Otherwise it turns into a big elephant in the room and makes things more awkward rather than less.

You are really most peculiar InTheBox, but hey that's up to you.

I kissed the boss and I liked it
Though he smelt of office prittstick
I kissed the boss just to try it
Hope my colleagues don't mind it
It felt so wrong it felt so right
We could be doing spreadsheets tonight
I kissed the boss and I liked it - I liked it

So OP -Ally- I quite liked the I've been thinking of that kiss line, with a sashay and hairflick to go but I was reading some chicklit today (written by a mumsnetter I might add, jolly good she is too).
What do you do for a living/how professional is the set up? tell me it's not worksop dump

I agree with Cabrinha, this playing around with office people isn't a good thing. At the very least it could cause resentment in the team and OP, I think you sound a bit giddy because he's senior to you. You haven't done anything wrong but what you did wasn't the best course of action either. It's up to you to decide what it is that you want but be aware that what he does could lead to calls of a 'hostile' working environment.

I wouldn't want it. If you are going to see it other there must be no sign of this in the workplace. I don't read anything in your posts that he is interested in pursuing a relationship and I would urge you to keep your own counsel and make sure this stays out of the office at all costs.