Hello all. Here's the situation.
I'm pregnant with my first child and my husband and I are going to visit my mother and other relatives in my home city (Dad's dead) for a family get together. My aunt, Dad's younger sister, and her husband are childless and sadly not by choice. Aunt had numerous mental health issues as a young woman, including bipolar disorder and anorexia, and wasn't really in a fit state to form a stable relationship until relatively late; she was almost 40 when she married and that, combined with fertility issues on her husband's side as well, meant that sadly they never had a child (she briefly conceived and miscarried at 43). Aunt has never made any secret of the fact it broke her heart and she longs for children.
Aunt was happy for me when I told her I was pregnant but said she could not see me when I am showing obviously, or when I have a young baby; she said she could handle it when the baby is a few months old but it is simply too painful to see a bump or a newborn/near newborn. Since I am definitely showing, Aunt has said she can't deal with seeing me and won't be attending the gathering.
Other relatives are very angry about this. They say her conspicuous absence will ruin the gathering and my enjoyment of my pregnancy, that 17 years after a miscarriage she should be able to spend an afternoon with a pregnant family member. A cousin said that if she can deal with the random bumps and babies she sees while out and about, it's wrong that she won't deal with mine.
For a little context, Aunt is well meaning but has been known to cause offence and upset on numerous occasions over the years by being a bit socially clumsy and thoughtless...antsiness over money, not being practically helpful after deaths or illness, expecting teenage relatives to take long journeys on public transport rather than driving to meet them, forgetting kids' birthdays and getting upset if someone forgets hers, thoughtless comments etc. There were a couple of major family rows with Dad and while he resolved them with her, some other relatives do harbour some resentment.
Personally I think it's her heartbreak and she needs to deal with it as she sees fit, but I'll admit I find her very stressful company so I'm kind of glad of the excuse not to see her. (I guess it's a residue of her anorexia, but she is awful at any occasion where there's food - constantly commenting on what people are eating, making a big song and dance about portion sizes and so on. She also likes to talk a lot about weight gain and loss. There'll be food at this event, and as a pregnant woman I'll be hungry and heavier than when she last saw me, so I could really do without it!) I'm not proud of that. At any rate, though, I understand why she doesn't want to come and I'm not hurt. I'm not in any pain, but she is.
I've made it clear to relatives that it doesn't bother me and I'm not going to press the issue with her. A couple of cousins and a sister said they would, I told them not on my account and I'd rather they didn't. They said it's not just me who's affected, the entire do will have an air over it if she refuses to come. I said I think there'll be an air if she's pressured to come and ends up miserable and not wanting to see me, and left it at that.
I'm not really asking for advice because I'm not upset by it and I've taken my course of action, but I am just curious to know what others think. Should Aunt come - does she owe the family that, if not me? If I were upset, would that change things?
Just a talking point, I guess.