What on earth is the matter with me?

[iwalkalonelyroad]

Just broken up after 2 years. I know he didn't treat me well. No romantic gestures at all, no loving words, violent sex, texts to OW, just generally very selfish. I know he has MH issues - on medication and awaiting counselling - and had a very bad childhood.

But I honestly loved him with all my heart.

I can't imagine going NC and would do anything to have him back in my life because there were good times and he was my world.

I don't think it will happen, he's made it clear he doesn't want me and we had the whole 'it's not you, it'me' speech.

I just want to text him and ask that we try again. And if I do I know I'll be posting here again in another month.

What I can't understand is why I want him? And what is wrong with me? If I was on the outside I would think I was an absolute idiot.

I'm scared that I've got a really skewed version of what's right in a relationship.

Can anyone help?

Thank you.

It does sound like an addiction, in that even though you know he's harming you, you don't want to stop.

I'm wondering if you got with this man after your DCs left home? The things you miss about him seem like just simple human contact would perhaps make you feel more fulfilled?

Could you make plans to see friends more in the coming weeks? And I think it would be really good if you could speak to one of your friends and explain just how rotten you're feeling and what a prick he is. A good friend won't turn round and call you an idiot, they'll be horrified at how he's mistreated you and want to help.

Look up 'limerence'. Sounds like you have that in spades.

pocket yes I did. He was on the scene before but only got together properly when youngest daughter had gone to Uni.
I don't feel lonely, I do have friends in RL I could talk to, just I miss having that special someone for the companionship and the physical affection.

And no romantic gestures at all, no loving words, violent sex, texts to OW, just generally very selfish... MH issues