Help me see this from his perspective

[Asleeponasunbeam]

I had a really crap day at work. Well, just something annoying that means I'm not getting some days off I was expecting, so I'm disappointed. Anyway, I held it together, I'm not easily upset at work and it's not anyone's fault really and can't be changed.

When I got home, after getting the DC into bed, I told DH about the problem and cried. I'm really exhausted and it was a final straw - just needed to cry a bit. DH tried to offer solutions and I said (upset, not angry or rude) that I'd looked for all solutions and there weren't any (I had, we'd discussed it at work). I said I was allowed to be upset and annoyed. He just picked up his phone and walked off.

He made dinner. Usually does. I'm okay now, just disappointed by the work thing. I only wanted sympathy I suppose. I'm usually better at not bringing work problems home. His work is probably much more stressful than mine, but he doesn't talk about it much - prefers to leave it at work.

I don't know why I started this thread. I can get the sympathy I need at work really. I don't need it at home.

MarkRuffaloCrumble great clip. I'm definitely on the side of "well just remove the bloody nail then you idiot!" so I feel his pain.

he was solution hunting and you seemed ungrateful for it he obviously didn't realise you had already looked for solutions and found none

men are from mars and all that

next time be upfront and say i just want sympathy

Its an oldie but a goodie....Why men make bad agony aunts

Dear David,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heels , and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant.
I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Mrs. Sheila Lusk

= = = =

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber. I hope this helps.

David.

It's obvious enough to me, but explaining it to them is a different story entirely. "But you see, when I've sorted this out for you you won't need to be upset any more." Would that it worked like that. As I've had cause to explain to my DC, feelings aren't always logical so they don't always respond to logic. (They're all boys and only two of them do empathy.) You might have sorted the problem out already but the fact that it arose in the first place can still be upsetting. Like a barely avoided traffic accident. Yes, the worst didn't happen and nobody was hurt, but that doesn't stop you feeling shaky for a while - for sound biological reasons, in fact, so not illogical at all even if it doesn't affect everyone the same way. What needs treating is the emotional response, the adrenaline come-down, whatever you want to call it. Launching into explanations of the precise way to handle such incidents in future is not the answer! (Maybe later when your loved one feels better, if needed? But really, not right now.)

Ha, brilliant example, PanGalactic!

Sounds like my husband I have tried explaining to him but I am not sure he really gets it.
Last time I cried he stood flapping his arms with a panic struck expression on his face saying what shall I do? Well it made me laugh and stopped the tears so I suppose he got it right.