anyone else any experience of picky eating?

[Calientejulia]

Hi

First, thanks for reading ! Background is I have been in a new relationship for around 8 months now (I'm in mid 40s, so is he - both long divorced) and I thought everything was rosy - then I cooked dinner.... It would appear the BF has kept his various food 'hates' well hidden up to now. He has offered to cook quite often -bit boring TBH, but put that down to lack of experience - but made a nice change after all this time. Then I offered to cook for a change... oh boy. One salmon fillet, new potatoes (cold, it was a salad) and salad stuff later I am very confused by his reaction. Turns out these are inedible in his book. All of it. And that's not all. When I told him he needed to come clean with me the list of 'non-foods' was immense. Basically if its not chicken (or pork), mash, carrots and beans - no fancy sauces - then its not going to get eaten !!! OMG. I have always made it clear I love to travel and part of that is trying new foods (I'll give most things a go); but now I understand why he has never travelled and why he suggested Italy for a first trip (turns out he could manage pizza as long as its something simple). He seems very unkeen to seek some professional help for this and I am really not sure if this is a deal breaker or not. Food is such a pleasure for me, and both my kids have grown up eating just about anything. Has anyone any experience of something similar ?

[circleskirt]

I'm the only person I've ever met who doesn't like pizza.

Even the OP's STBX eats pizza.

[Roussette]

But do you like bread, or pita bread, or nan, or chapati or whatever, circle. Then do you like tomatoes and cheese. Because that's all pizza is - bread with tomatoes and cheese on it. Mind you, I don't like bready pizza, I like bases whisper thin and it to be weighed down with topping

I just think some people (and I don't mean you, Circle) close their mind to new food experiences and just will not try anything and to me that signifies they would close their mind to other things in life. I get food allergies, I get active dislike of certain foods, I get issues with food - I just don't get those like my 'hate anything green' acquaintance, who just won't touch anything - whatever it is - that is green. That's the mentality I couldn't live with.

[Calientejulia]

Hi
Gosh - so many replies! Thanks. All this is helping me think through why this has left me questioning things. I must add he will eat bread and biscuits too (plain) and steak(well done) and chips. I think he has actively been concealing this from me by offering to cook, which I interpreted as kind of him (must also add we don't live together, so date on the weekends mostly at the moment). Really came to light after I offered to cook for a change . This does seem like a food phobia almost of anything unfamiliar - I think he was spoilt as a child. Also he told me he had never had reason to travel before, but actually it seems it's the food that's the issue. I do like to travel off the usual tourist routes (south east Asia being a fave) and eat 'local' where poss. I guess I'll see how Italy goes because maybe it'll be ok in reality. He is kind and very loving, but could I live with it if this were to become a long term relationship ?

[chippednailvarnish]

he had never had reason to travel before

Oh hell no, run, run away!

[Dynomite]

I could never ever be in a relationship with someone who has no desire to travel. It's not just the lack of curiosity or the narow mindedness but my god does life with him sound boring....of course, if you care about him and are prepared to live with it, that's alright. I'm sure there are things nobody likes about my DP. But be prepared for it because resentment might build up.

[larant]

If you want children OP, I would be worried about a man passing on his attitudes to food to his children.

[YellowTulips]

This is all a bit doom and gloom.

I love to cook and try new things.

When I met my DH his diet was pretty restricted and pretty much any vegetable, shellfish or exotic was off the menu.

Twelve years later you wouldn't know it....

Upshot was his mum (though lovely) was a shit cook. He lived on Findus Frozen foods as a kid. I think his tastebuds had never really been challenged.

I started with cooking the foods he did like and slowly introduced some changes, for example peppercorn sauce (on the side) with steak and encouraged him to try it. Or roast beef dinner with cauliflower cheese.

It wasn't overnight, but he got happier trying new foods and now will pretty much try anything (though I confess Brussels sprouts are I think a lost cause - even when I do them with bacon, wine and chestnuts!).

So I really think it comes down to if fundamentally he is willing to try and push his boundaries a bit (plain pizza doesn't sound much, but he is offering to give it a go).

[AuntyMag10]

Deal breaker for me too. It's so limiting and sounds like it will dictate a lot of your life. If you love food and travelling, he's going to really make this a problem for you.

[Trills]

I think what we've learned here is that if eating a wide vriety of food is important to you, find out if a potential partner has issues with this early on.

[Lavenderice]

The well-done steak alone would be a deal breaker for me.

[Twinklestein]

Also he told me he had never had reason to travel before, but actually it seems it's the food that's the issue.

Oh ffs.

Food put him off leaving the country.

What reason do you need to travel but to want to see beyond the shores of Blighty?

[Twinklestein]

I simply couldn't cope with the type of person he is. Whether he eats peas or not is rather by the by.

It reminds me of a comment Ricky Gervais' mum made when he first made enough money to travel abroad.

"What d'you want go abroad for? There's bits of Reading you haven't seen."

Leave this man to Reading and mash and find someone with a bit more spirit.

[Roussette]

Twinkle I love that! Good on Ricky Gervais' mum

My DCs have a passion for travel and foreign food, whether it be holidays or living in another country, don't limit yourself with this bloke OP.

[bertsdinner]

It wouldnt necessarily be a dealbreaker for me. Personally, I love food and love trying new stuff.
Most restaurants can whip up a dull chicken and mash meal if asked.
If he just sat there and ate it, fair enough, its his choice and has absolutely no impact on my choice of food. I don't think being keen to try new food necessarily equals an interesting person.

If, however, he sat and whined about it-forget it. My stepdad is like this, he likes plain, bland food, no one minds this or judges him, it's his choice. What drives everyone crazy, however, is his constant moaning about the look, smell, etc of everyone elses meal. Tonight, he stomped out of the room because my mum cooked chicken with Reggae Reggae sauce on, as he dosnt like the smell of spices. I couldn't tolerate that.

[Duckdeamon]

Does he have any other things like this?

Does his food issue prevent him socialising normally, have you been out to eat with groups of friends?

If he dislikes most food and is disinterested in travel, then what floats his boat?

If he's into great conversation and hot sex I might be more inclined to ignore the food weirdness than if he's into Reading and cricket scores.

[Garlick]

I don't think being keen to try new food necessarily equals an interesting person.

Well, no. Of course it doesn't

But not being keen to try new food to the extent of rejecting a salmon fillet (!) indicates someone who is very unlikely to share your passion for exploring the less-travelled roads of South East Asia. Or even going to a Thai restaurant.

[MuffMuffTweetAndDave]

Well exactly rousette. They'll be fine for quick pub lunch while shopping sort of meal, but not big restaurant experiences.

To be fair garlick, nobody is saying OP will have to forego the sauces and marinades on her chicken, mash and beans. Someone who couldn't cope with their partner not eating the exact same thing as them would be as big a pain in the arse as someone who barely eats.

[MuffMuffTweetAndDave]

And a lot of people are funny with fish. I adore it, and hate mash, but I don't think not wanting to eat salmon is a particularly unusual view.

[Garlick]

Sigh ... This isn't about whether the boyfriend can handle a pub lunch. It's about whether he's compatible with a woman who loves to go off-piste in distant parts of the world. Where there are no pub lunches. And whether she'd be prepared to renounce the pleasures of sharing Thai/Chinese/Indian/designer restaurant meals with a partner.

[Garlick]

You know, in very many parts of the world - particularly the ones where food hygiene might be an issue - the best and safest food is cooked by roadside vendors. I have never seen one preparing steak & mash!

[Garlick]

He could go to Turkey, though - lots of meat kebabs

[CalmYourselfTubbs]

you both seem like a very bad match.
you could do a lot better.
you'll never get to do anything exciting with him.
you can forget travel with him too.
i would bail immediately.

[LashesandLipstick]

What a strange thing to leave someone over or even consider a problem. Unless he's making you eat his limited diet OP then I don't think it's a problem!

[NotGoingOut17]

Not read the entire thread, but read the last page and seeing the comments about travel. It's not necessarily the case that just because he hasn't travelled before it doesn't mean he wouldn't now - when I met my DP he had been abroad once in 7 years, I guess because he was single a lot of that time he just hadn't got round to it. I made it clear to him very early on that seeing new places was important to me, and 3 years later we've been abroad 6 times together (both short european breaks and exotic long haul trips) - I too like going off the beaten track and to be fair to him he has been quite open minded about it. I think it's just not something that ever occurred to him but now he has tried it, he loves it. We're always planning our next trip. So, i don't think you necessarily need to write him off on that point alone - but you do need to speak to him about it.

I also find fussy eating in adults very unattractive, but that is probably because I was brought up to eat anything. DP is what I would call fussy (he does eat various foods but has very clear things he just wouldn't try) which can be frustrating, and tbh it's not a quality of his I particularly like but I find that I can live with it because he has other good qualities and tbf, he does a fair bit of cooking. But one of my favourite meals to make quickly is a stirfry and he kind of ruined that for me because he is very fussy about certain veg (mainly my faves) - the 1st few times I used 2 different pans, now I just put it all in together and then try and separate it. I can live with fussy eating but I won't go out of my way to cater for it. He isn't overly fussy in that he will eat spicy foods etc so it's not that he isn;t adventurous but he won't touch certain meat or veg - bit of a pain but doesn't affect our day to day lives. But I do worry when we're invited to other people's houses or weddings if they will serve the wrong meat etc - so it can be annoying, it really depends on how fussy he is tbh and how much his other qualities are so great. He managed to conceal it for 8 months so he can live around it it sounds.