anyone else any experience of picky eating?

[Calientejulia]

Hi

First, thanks for reading ! Background is I have been in a new relationship for around 8 months now (I'm in mid 40s, so is he - both long divorced) and I thought everything was rosy - then I cooked dinner.... It would appear the BF has kept his various food 'hates' well hidden up to now. He has offered to cook quite often -bit boring TBH, but put that down to lack of experience - but made a nice change after all this time. Then I offered to cook for a change... oh boy. One salmon fillet, new potatoes (cold, it was a salad) and salad stuff later I am very confused by his reaction. Turns out these are inedible in his book. All of it. And that's not all. When I told him he needed to come clean with me the list of 'non-foods' was immense. Basically if its not chicken (or pork), mash, carrots and beans - no fancy sauces - then its not going to get eaten !!! OMG. I have always made it clear I love to travel and part of that is trying new foods (I'll give most things a go); but now I understand why he has never travelled and why he suggested Italy for a first trip (turns out he could manage pizza as long as its something simple). He seems very unkeen to seek some professional help for this and I am really not sure if this is a deal breaker or not. Food is such a pleasure for me, and both my kids have grown up eating just about anything. Has anyone any experience of something similar ?

However, how come this has only come to light now? 8 months is a long time! My guess is he knows how dysfunctional his attitude is, it's ruined previous possible relationships and was actively hiding it from you.

Having a list of foods you won't eat is one thing, having a list of six items you will eat is life limiting.

Over the years I've had to cut out wheat, dairy and now sugar all for health reasons.

Sadly that makes me a picky eater and it's a big nuisance but there are still lots of foods I do eat

I eat fish ( but not shell fish). Swordfish, red grouper , salmon, sea bass, lovely fresh cod, tilapia ...all my favourites.
I eat all vegetables ..potatoes occasionally but never at home. Only sweet potato at home which we love.

I like all fruits but mainly eat apples but will eat others.
I eat starches wholegrain rice, quinoa, millet, bulgur wheat, braised spelt grains.

I eat most meats Including liver. We never eat chicken at home. I only eat it from a menu if there's no other choice. I have had rabbit in the past but cant bring myself to eat it now.

I eat eggs. Love duck , goose and quail eggs but they are mainly organic hens eggs.

We have to eat out a fair bit when travelling around and I just try to choose food as near to the plant or animal as possible.

I try not to be a pita. Fortunately OH can eat what he likes and is happy to go to a restaurant which has better choices for me.

Even though I'm not a lover of spicy food I will go to an Indian restaurant as a treat for him. It's all about compromise.

I do hope you can educate his palate abit. If he doesn't have the intolerances I have he is missing out on such a lot in life.

This will be my DS in a few years. He has ASD and a very limited list of foods he will eat plus he does not like to be in the vicinity of food or around people eating except in very restricted circumstances he is used to eg school dining hall. He has had therapy with CAMHS who could do nothing as it is linked to ASD, the best they could hope for was that as he gets older he might extend his range of likes - not happening so far .

He will now sit in a restaurant with us, albeit reluctantly, as long he is not expected to eat though he will have a drink. He is obviously very uncomfortable and unhappy so it is not something we do much as a family. On our first (& possibly last) holiday abroad last year, he became known as "bread boy" to restaurant staff.

I hope he finds a sympathetic partner in his adult life......

Yes roussette, loads will. Not most naice restaurants I shouldn't think, but pubs, grills and anywhere with a kids menu. Probably steakhouses too. So while Heston would be out of the question, eating out is not going to be an impossibility.

I have a good friend who has a very restricted diet.

It's largely down to some unpleasant childhood experiences.

I am sympathetic and this person is a lovely friend.

But I would not choose to date someone wo had this problem.

It would make my life much less pleasant.

You are not obliged to date someone that you don't want to. Ever. Even if the thing that makes you less keen on them is "not their fault".

Ah, good, SolidGoldBrass already said it. :)

I would go on holiday to Italy & see how the food / eating goes

If it is too much "drama" & you dont think he will travel to exciting places in the future, then he is probably not the right person for you

I was in an airport (delayed plane) & overheard a conversation. A young lady said "I would love to go to x place, but I dont think I could handle the food" -well she doesnt know what she is missing ! (all kinds of food are available including western food)

Everyone has a list of foods they dont eat, some more than others

I believe that the Queen does not eat shellfish

I went on holiday with a group of friends, and one woman was like this. It was a pain as there were lots of places she wouldn't eat. Chinese, indian, thai, gastro pubs, italian restaurants, were all out. Even when we did get her to go to an Indian restaurant and she asked for chicken and chips, the chicken came out with some spices on it, so she wouldn't eat it.
It doesn't matter why he is like this. The only question is whether you can be bothered with this.

Hand on heart it would be a dealbreaker for me.

Me too. If you love to cook and eat interesting food this would be soul destroying before too long.

The never travelling would be as much as an issue to me. Either would be a dealbreaker, but the two together. No.

It implies narrowness, conservatism, rigidity, lack of intellectual curiousity, hell any curiosity, and straight up dullness.

Why has the op not been back to this thread? I know she's not obliged to, but....

In my own experience people with genuine issues with certain types of food, eg one friend with shellfish allergy, another who has coeliac disease, create far less drama about it than those who are simply "picky".

Yup, been there many years ago with an ex. Such a relief when I binned him. And my friends all said it was a relief too as they never knew what to cook when we went round for dinner!
I also eventually realised it all stemmed from having been spoiled rotten by his parents, and that spilled over into many other aspects of his personality. Absolutely a deal breaker IMO.

And only eating 6 foods is very restrictive. He would end up when eating out, only be able to eat a lump of chicken or pork in most places.

I hate mash. It's just a weird texture, not quite solid, not quite liquid. Bleugh. I'm not a hugely picky eater (mash, mushrooms, white bread) but I never understand really fussy eaters who like mash.

Yes Muff agreed... I wasn't thinking of the local carvery and run of the mill restos, I was more thinking of the special meal to celebrate something treat place. The OP will never be able to experience that.

FWIW I love love love mash but never have it out because we do good mash at home here!

Being with someone like that would restrict my life enormously and I just couldn't do it. Had a fantastic meal out with the DCs the other day, turkish food, loads of meze, everyone reaching across the table trying everything, that is fun, making a meal an experience, instead of just fuel to survive. The OP's partner would be sat in the corner making a fuss from what she's said.

I agree that people with real dietary problems eg coeliac disease are easier to socialise with than people who are just plain fussy.

As someone who is like your DP, it's even annoying for me but I can't change. My DH has accepted my eating habits as part of me, I think I probably have SED, it's been the bane of my life since I can remember. I can't eat my food if something I don't like has contaminated it, I'm wary of anything I haven't prepared, I like bland foods and don't like pepper...the list is endless I only have about 10 foods I actually like and then they have to be cooked exactly like I like them. If this is a deal breaker for you then so be it but it might be a long seated mental issue as opposed to him being picky.

I too would find this a dealbreaker. I think it's childish, and therefore deeply unsexy/unmanly. I don't understand how he's concealed such a severely restricted diet for EIGHT MONTHS though?

He sounds like a child. I can't stand fussy eaters. It would really put me off, unless he was awesome in every other way. But even then, I'd find it hard to carry on a serious relationship; I would hate to be so restricted with whatI could cook, and presumably it may well impact on, as the OP says, travelling together etc.

Those with health/allergy issues, that's different.

AyMamita Do you feel that it's a feminine trait?

lots of places would do a plain chicken breast, mash and veg

If you're the kind of person who gets real pleasure from chicken marinated in exotic substances, served on a bed of mash with caramelised this & that, accompanied by a warm 3-bean salad a la paysanne - then, no, you are going to be utterly pissed off by having to completely give that up and settle for the base ingredients without the creativity.

I used to know a bloke who only ever ate pizza. He'd add chips sometimes, but didn't even like them very much ()

Theoretically, it's okay. He's a genuinely nice man. But living with him would drive me round the bend.

I know someone who won't touch anything green. Or shades of green. And he bangs on and on and on about it. Very tedious.