Will I ever have pain-free sex after episiotomy?

[Blondie87]

I feel bad worrying about this when I have a gorgeous child to be grateful for but I'd also now like my sex life back too! I had my lovely baby 10 weeks ago and had a vaginal delivery which required an episiotomy. It's taken a while to heal as my external stitches came open and I got an infection even though I was fastidious with hygiene. The site is just about feeling ok now even though there is still some raised scar tissue.
My husband has been very patiently waiting for us to resume sex and last night we decided to try it. I'm still self conscious about 'down there' since giving birth so there wasn't much foreplay. We used KY jelly but didn't get very far- sorry for TMI but only got a bit inside before I made him stop. I felt really upset afterwards- how will we ever resume having sex without a vicious cycling of me being scared of the pain so I can't relax, therefore exacerbating the situation? Giving up sex in my late 20sdoesnt feel like a solution! Any advice, bearing in mind we have a small baby?

This is useful but not very reassuring - I had a 3rd degree tear having my first baby 4 weeks ago and I think the worst part is not knowing how long it will take to heal for sex/ running/ energetic walking, normal life!

I had a 2nd degree tear and stitches after my 1st baby and it took about 10 months to be pain free.
No stitches after baby #2, but I had some muscle damage. I had a repair job to the vaginal muscles and perineum after my 2nd baby and it took 6 months to be able to have any sex, and that was only after perineal massage with oil, and dilators. It was a hideous time, the anxiety of never getting back to a pleasurable sex life. My son is now 3 and I can honestly say I have no pain at all when having sex, and our sex life is definitely on the up, possibly better than it was before we had kids even. So there are good times ahead .

I was sewn up to tight after a bilateral tear. I was referred for an op to repair at 12 weeks pp, had it done when baby was 6 months and was expecting again at 9 months so it was well worth it.

Like a previous poster I also only had a 2nd degree tear. Some times it was painful other times it wasn't. I found that if I was very conscious of it I would tense up and that would make it painful. Also maybe try different positions until you find a comfortable one.

I also found that after ds2 was born and me tear was stitched again that im more pain free 5 months later so as someone previously mentioned maybe you've been stitched too tight.

I had an episiotomy and forceps delivery and found sex very painful for months after. I ended up referred to my local sex clinic where I saw a lovely Dr who diagnosed vulvodynia. She said it may or may not have been related to my episiotomy but the pain was localised to where I'd been cut so I know it was. I got an anaesthetic gel to try and help numb the area before sex and it really helped. I was on the pill at the time and breastfeeding which definitely didn't help with the lubrication side of things. Once I stopped both it was much better and went from being painful to tolerable to enjoyable again over about 6 months. I'm now 6 months pregnant again - got pregnant when DD was 14 months so it did improve reasonably quick.

It hurts because it's too soon. You need a lot more time. I'd say double it personally.

However, that doesn't mean you can't have sex. It just means you need to a avoid the type of sex where anything goes in the vagina. You could try mutual oral sex as a great way of fulfilling each other's sexual needs without resulting in pain, with the added bonus (assuming you can orgasm this way) that this will lead to you associating sex with pleasure rather than pain so that you don't tense up when you do finally go the whole way.

10 weeks is really no time at all. My physio said definitely no penetrative sex for a good five/six months after my forceps delivery (2nd degree a hair away from 3rd, large episiotomy, fractured coccyx etc etc.) I've used dilators, which have been helpful, but the best thing was tons of lube and a patient DH! My goal was pretty conservative, I was aiming for full PIV by DS's first birthday, and made it in the nick of time... I sympathise very much, as I don't think I felt mentally recovered from my awful birth experience until I was able to have sex again. Lots of happy tears that night.

Thanks for anyone who has posted. It's good to be able to talk about it! Just wanted to post an update for anyone who might find it useful. Last night we tried again and it was more successful. Have to admit it was scheduled in sex: put our baby down, had a bath with a glass of red wine, usesd the relaxation techniques I learnt throug hypnobirthing and tried to chill. Lots of lube and taking it slow, we managed to have sex! It started off painful but once we got going it was much better. Not pain-free but more like uncomfortable rather than excruciatingly painful. Has given me much more confidence that things can only get better!

Blondie the whole point is sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable. Its supposed to be pain free.

Dont feel you HAVE to have uncomfortable sex.