Helping friend through cheating

[LosingTheWillToSkate]

One of my dear friends has just found out her husband has been having an affair - she found messages, knows it's more than just sex.

She is adament that she wants to know all about the woman in terms of what she looks like etc but her husband has said it won't do either of them any good and he wants to forget all about her.

They are trying to work things out, and I think I agree with him in that the less she knows details of the better. How do I put that across without sounding like I've taken his side? (I haven't at all!)

Yes I see where you're all coming from regards her knowing things and that it will at least settle her thoughts about who OW was.

It hadn't really occurred to me that he might lie to her about it with him saying it was better she didn't know.

I think she has a first name or a nickname. I think she feels that's enough as she hasn't mentioned wanting to know anything more.

I suspect answers won't destroy her at all.
They might (or lack of them might) destroy her marriage. Or rather - his fucking nasty behaviour will destroy it - the cheating and the patronising shit with not telling, and expecting her to just forget all about it!

In which case, a destroyed marriage might well be the best outcome here.

Honestly - if she's not robust to hear the details SHE asks for, she sure as hell isn't robust enough to survive in the hell that is a marriage after being cheated on.

Even those who stay and don't regret staying will say it was bloody hard work to do that.