Im feeling a tad weird, ok maybe the word depressed may be better than weird, but its hitting me hard this year more than ever. I turned 40 in Feb earlier this year and instead of celebrating with friends and partying like most of my friends did, I was wanting to curl up with a book and forget I turned 40.
What didnt help, was that I split from my partner a year and a half ago and been single since, but he just moved on within 2 months and off he goes. I am not upset more jealous he has found someone so quickly...(as they do!)
I have a great job I love, work for myself, my own house, car and very healthy lifestyle, don't really drink, play tennis twice a week, gym everyday and love my chilled lifestyle. I have dated quite a bit this year but, whats worrying me is my fussiness is getting worse, or its getting harder since I hit 40. I think I intimidate them because of my lifestyle, (I hope not)..and when I was in my 20's and 30's Im sure men preferred me being a tad nice but dim....well more I didnt know where i was going in life and just drifted. I never challenged anything.
My friends have a different life to me, they are still out drinking, have children and are either with married men, long term partners and we have nothing to talk about anymore, its like we are also drifting apart there. So my best friend really is my mum, but starting to think, "this isn't healthy when she passes, try and make new friends and build your confidence there!" which I am trying to do slowly and its ok.
My parents are lovely, dad is 72, mum 68, as they have been fantastic parents, this is the first time in 40 years I have thought, " I have nothing to show them for their great effort in life of raising me!" I wish I was settled, I wasn't always that settled in life until now. I am a quiet person who just gets on with things, but suffer from anxious thoughts (just recently) about my parents and being left on my own. (hope this isn't selfish thoughts here).
When I am with my friends I am ok and don't have time to think abut this so much, so try and do more enjoyable things, but when I am with my parents, I start to feel down but only recently, its like the 40 bomb shell hit me. Mum is healthy, has high Cholesterol, arthritis but does pilates and yoga everyday and eats very well, she has a lovely lifestyle. Dad has had a hip operation, knee operation, high blood pressure and still plays golf 3 times a week. Both are slower in their actions and noticing it more over this year.
Anyway, on a good note, I enjoy my life, (won't bore you too much) but not sure what brings happiness with men anymore and dating and will I ever find the one after 40 and no children of my own, has anyone experienced this with a good story or going through simiiar perhaps?......
(sigh), I don't think I am depressed its more loneliness and anxiety over my mum and dad leaving me....something i use to suffer with even when I was 20 when going to University!
xx