Jealous but not for the usual reasons

[Balders74]

STBXH & I spilt at the beginning of the year at my instigation. Apparently it came as a complete surprise to him (it is quite difficult to see things coming when you have your head in the sand). Although I had been telling him for years things needed to change.

He moved out finally after 10 weeks and is now living in the next town in a rented house and has the kids every other weekend.

I have started divorce proceedings which he is totally ignoring, including all attempts at getting him to mediation to sort out the house situation.

Last weekend he had the kids and my DD said he took them to a woman's house on Saturday night and sat outside with her all night. I have been blocked from his FB but DD showed me a picture he had posted of this woman with her arms around my DC.

When I met STBXH 20 years ago he was heavily into the club and recreational drug scene. It took him a while after we had DD to settle down but he did. Now we have split he has gone straight back into it and reconnected with all his old druggie friends (get a grip you sad 45 year old man!). Anyway, not my business as long as he is there and straightwhen the kids go to his.

I am feeling jealous though and not because I want him back but because he has gone off and is living the life of riley while I am here piecing myself back together after all the years of EA. My self confidence is low, I don't go out, the thought of meeting someone else is horrifying and I am working all hours supporting myself, the kids and the house while he swans about ignoring everything. He is not providing any financial support, which is one of the things I wanted to get sorted in mediation.

Now I know that I instigated this and that my feelings are of my own doing it just gets to me sometimes.

Last night after midnight he was texting DD as it is her birthday today and he sent one saying 'come round' and then sent one saying 'that wasn't meant for you'. So it would seem to me that he has got himself a shag piece. So if that is the case why doesn't he just let me go. Get the divorce done and let us all move on???

Balders. He's trying to make you jealous! Don't rise to it. That was a deliberate "accident"

Now we have split he has gone straight back into it and reconnected with all his old druggie friends (get a grip you sad 45 year old man!).

I am feeling jealous though and not because I want him back but because he has gone off and is living the life of riley

Big step back and trying to recreate what he had years' ago - the 'accidental' booty call text he knew would get back to you. Bluff and bravado!

It's a struggle at the moment but you bit the bullet and instigated change which took guts. Don't lose heart. He is trying to move on but can't yet acknowledge the divorce is really happening - not much to be jealous of imo.

Please don't try to find things out about exH via your dd. Even if she offers the information I would tend to have a breezy 'i'm not interested' stance

If it was a deliberate accident and dad knew that dd would offer up that info then he's won.

He may well have a shag piece, but seems to me he is filling a big empty space created by your departure.

He will fall flat on his arse when it hits that you are not interested anymore.

Nothing to be jealous about, drugs - not the life of riley I'd want.

Nothing to be jealous of but understandable when you are feeling overwhelmed.

He only sees his kids every other weekend, you get them most of the time and will have most of the memories now.

He takes drugs and go out and parties, you don't take drugs and have a head that is clear of crap.

I think he is also trying to provoke a reaction.

Thanks for your comments. I have been running possible text messages I could send him through my head all day but decided just to ask if he has been in touch with the mediation service yet. He Completely ignored it, no surprise there!! The last time I asked if he had contacted them he said he didn't have time.

I do not encourage DD to relay information but it is her birthday & she thought it was a weird message to get which is why she mentioned it. I encourage open communication about their DF so that there is no him & me mentality.

It is just galling that he has happily waltzed away from the mess he created by being an emotionally retarded twunk into the sunset.

Are you renting?

No we own the house jointly, although he hasn't contributed towards the mortgage much in the 11 years we've had it.

You know what? Drugs, emotional abuse?

Having his kids over and sitting outside in the car all night?!?!

This doesnt sound like the behaviour of a well adjusted man.

The reason you haven't slipped back into living like a 24 year old is because you have matured since then. He clearly hasn't.

You're in a better position if you own property. Forget mediation and crack on with the divorce. If he hasn't contributed you'll have evidence of that. You are likely to keep the house until youngest dc is 18 (but you probably know this if you've instructed solicitors). My guess is you'll get a fair proportion of the marital assets.

Honestly? Forget this waste of space. Easy to say, I know. But really, you're free of this dead weight. Whatever comes out of him is complete rubbish. Of course he's trying to make you jealous (because he 15 in his head). NEVER let him know you are, even if it's about something else xx