Help me get laid :)

[TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire]

Right. Been single nearly a year now and in sexless marriage for a good while before that.

I haven't got time to invest in a relationship (i mean literally, could perhaps make time for someone once a month) but I really, really miss physical intimacy, and the rose-tinted, singing in the shower view of the world that comes from good sex and feeling desirable.

Anyone ever had a friends-with-benefits type thing? Or tried a dating website? I signed up to Guardian Soulmates but it all seems a bit worthy & serious there.

It's difficult to get out & mingle as a lone parent, I tend only to see colleagues, school parents, family and a few girlfriends who are all settled in relationships.

Doesn't help that my self-confidence is on the low side.

any advice anyone?

Whichever site you choose, be clear about what you want / expect. If you go into a fb / fwb ( is there a difference ? ) be sure to talk about it first... What are the rules / expectations ? Are you going to be exclusive fb's ? How often do you want to meet up ? How much do you want to know / are they prepared to tell about what happens when you're not together... Sexual health considerations...

I've made attempts at two such relationships ( and they are a type of relationship at the end of the day ) and such a chat at first would have stopped both becoming a car crash.

And at the first sign of jealousy, have a talk about it and if you can't resolve it, move on.

Most importantly, men will probably view your arrangement very differently to you. Hence the important of the adult conversation to set out expectations. And no, I don't mean when you first meet... There will be a right time to have that chat ! ????

RLD

As someone said POF, infact any "free" dating site will do.

You don't even need a photo on POF - just woman wants sex will have the offers flooding in. (allegedly)

I agree with Everythinghaschanged, I speak to quite a few men on POF, some make out they are after sex but a lot are after more than that. I have just dumped someone I was seeing through POF as he wanted much more than just sex, I was sexually attracted to him and was looking for a bit more but we had nothing in common, the sex was great but there was no spark and I found him quite boring as a person. If I wanted just sex I could quite easily find it on POF though, I get offers quite often but I'm not great at the 'no string attached sex' quite often one of you has feelings and the other doesn't so it often ends badly. It's ok if you can be that person with no feelings but sadly it's usually the woman that does have the feelings.

Join POF, I find using a headline such as 'looking for fun' attracts a few , you will probably get quite a few messages the first few days so you can choose wisely and be a bit fussy, I rejoined a few days ago and have had 10 men message me, a few of those I wouldn't ever go near, a couple seem ok (ish ) and another keeps asking me out on a date ( he has asked me out tonight, said he will cook for me, provide wine and a movie ), sadly I don't have a baby sitter and tbh he's not that great looking, I can afford to be a bit picky.

"Anyone ever had a friends-with-benefits type thing? Or tried a dating website?"

Yes and yes. Problem with any FWB/fuck buddy arrangement is that feelings can develop unless you can separate love from sex. I can do that fairly easily, but have had 2 FWB/FB arrangements where the men got emotionally involved and needy and I had to end it.

I agree with Rockluvvindad, that it's vital to have a frank talk about expectations. However, I would make it something that's done sooner rather than later, so be really upfront. Plenty of Fish is worth a try. It has a few "relationship" options to choose from which is handy.

And I should add, it's safer to say what you're after rather than try and label it. One person's idea of a FWB or FB arrangement is not the same as another's, so spell out your expectations clearly to cut down the risk of things getting very messy.

I have only had 2 knob pictures since I have been OLD, both men I have been to meet, sadly the camera tells a different story .

I haven't had much luck with 'match' as there doesn't seem to be many local people on there, I did stumble across a local on line dating site just for people who are looking for sex, I joined but then got a bit scared after seeing loads of local people posting pictures of their goods, I was worried someone would recognise me so I closed my profile, in the small time I was on there I had quite a few messages asking to meet up for 'some fun'.

well I have taken advice from you all and whaddya know, despite being really choosy I have struck up a little something already and we're meeting next weekend! looks like it could be fun.

The closest I got to a FWB I picked a considerably younger man who, while very hawt, intelligent and socially capable I didn't like that much. I had one fun night after meeting him in the pub then I met someone so didn't continue it.

Good luck with this guy. And my advice if he is to be a FWB, apart from the above, would be not to see him too often and don't be texting each other except to arrange a rendezvous.

Well done Trousers, hope you have fun next weekend

I have a few lined up from POF, at the moment I can choose to be a bit picky, I agree with choosing someone you don't really like that much, a younger man or a much older man ( I have met up with a couple older men and they have been much better than the younger ones ).

Aren't affection and intimacy the same as feelings- genuine question.

Not really. I mean, anger is a feeling, but it's not the same as affection/intimacy.

Affection and intimacy are nice things you can have with all sorts of people. They're not feelings in themselves, they're actions or states. But they are not the same as love.

Put it like this, I can do affection and I can do intimacy. Or at least it looks like I do. But I don't do feelings.

I've had quite a few casual relationships with people due to my high sex drive and lack of time for a relationship. Most of them were all fine UNTIL.. I came across a much younger man last year. I thought that surely it would be easy because he was younger. I couldn't have been more wrong. He turned out to be manipulative, controlling and abusive and he trained me to focus on him and also tried to get me to Agree to be exclusive when FWB arrangements are never about that and net stalked me. It was supposed to be just sex but I soon found out that for him it's actually about control and manipulation. I am fairly sure that he is disordered. It ended up where I had been so manipulated that I felt on one hand that he was awful but on the other I still wanted to have sex with him.

The problem with dating sites is that they are a playground for these types of people who pretend to be someone they're not. And I'm not saying don't do it but do be very careful. I am so traumatised by this man that I haven't had sex for ages.

You can try Tinder, you'll find plenty of people there looking for casual stuff only. The best part is that Tinder is totally free and have huge audience. For websites, AFF and Ashley are the best options, you can check in detail here. You will not even have to pay since you're a female

OP is probably married now :)

exactly same scenario, met someone in POF as friends and progressed onto exclusive fwb situation. Try it and you'll soon guage whether you click that way, I wasn't looking for it but just fell into it

Fabswingers is the easiest for getting laid. You'll get loads of offers. :)

@TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Ooh I see this thread is a few years old. How's life?

How can you girls have sex with someone if there are no feelings there? That’s my problem, I couldn’t. There would have to be feelings, connection and magical chemistry for me to have sex with someone...and then the true passion would come out. That’s why I don’t think this sort of thing would work for me.

Maybe they're women not girls?