Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Condom Box Dilemma

42 replies

Roseflowers · 09/07/2015 07:00

Hello wise and lovely mumsnetters, bit of perpective needed about something I saw the other day...

I've been dating someone for a couple of months, and when we first started dating we were using condoms. They were of a pretty cheap looking variety in a purple box, and we hadn't used them for about two months due to me going on the pill. A week ago, when I was around said someone's house, he'd gone out to work and I couldn't find the skirt I'd worn the night before anywhere in his room where I'd taken it off. It's worth pointing out he's a massive neat freak, the only mess in his bedroom being a couple of neatly folded piles of clothing on the floor ready to be put away. I searched high and low for my skirt and whilst looking under the bed saw the box of condoms neatly stored underneath in a very visible position. Thinking that maybe he'd chucked my skirt in one of his drawers whilst tidying, I checked the main few and to my surprise found another, open box of condoms, this time fancy durex ribbed ones which we definitely hadn't used. It struck me as a little suspicious and seemed that he must have bought them after we'd stopped using condoms, otherwise why would we have been using crap ones if he had those instead? I didn't say anything at the time.

Fast forward to Monday night, and when I go to get into bed, out of curiosity I look (as in, flicker my eyes downwards kind of look!) at where I saw the condoms under the bed the previous week. The purple packet of cheap condoms has now been joined by the swanky durex ones, which were definitely NOT there before. When using the bedroom mirror I also see a ladies earring back on the floor under the mirror.

What would you think?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 09/07/2015 10:49

If this neat and tidy had 'found them' whilst hoovering under the bed he'd have moved them I imagine.

Doesn't add up at all Op

Trust your gut feeling and evidence on this one. I think you are being very wise.

KinkyAfro · 09/07/2015 13:00

I'd very surprised you stopped using protection after only a couple of months of seeing someone Confused

RedKite1985 · 09/07/2015 13:39

Who are any of you to judge whether the OP is using protection or not! 3 months isn't a tiny amount of time and should rightly assume there would be no reason for using them

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/07/2015 14:45

Am I missing something here?

They have both had sexual health checks, both agreed to being exclusive and OP is using alternative contraception.

How long would you suggest a couple use condoms for in that scenario.

The fact that he may be cheating is another matter. I'm not contradicting myself, just in general don't know why the condom issue comes up if a couple are having a healthy sexual relationship.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/07/2015 14:52

Hmmm, it does all seem a bit suspicious. However, an earring may have been lost by a cleaner, someone else in the room, landlady? Not an absolute clincher for me. Condoms by the bed a bit more suspicious although some guys do use them by themselves! I think your antenna was up which is why you searched so thoroughly for the skirt (come on, of course you would check the pile of laundry first) and your suspicions may well be right.

I would just ask him though, I'm a pretty good liar-spotter and just confront people, I'd rather ask than hunt around for clues three months in.

spatchcock · 09/07/2015 15:03

I'd be suspicious too, OP. Sorry. What's he like otherwise?

Roseflowers · 09/07/2015 16:40

He was previously very lovely, thoughtful and incredibly keen to see me all the time. He then had what can only be described as a mental breakdown which has lead to loads of partying/ drug taking and worrying late night texts. This has sort of been the last straw really.

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 09/07/2015 16:42

My mind automatically thought - earring been there a while, condoms are for posh wanks.

If he's happy to go condomless with you, he'd be happy to do so with somebody else too.

TokenGinger · 09/07/2015 16:43

Oh wait. Just saw the update about the partying and drug taking. Probably one night stands then. Which is why the earring hasn't been claimed. If it was a regular person's earring, they'd have claimed it.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/07/2015 16:59

Rose with the best will in the world, you have only known him two months. How do you know his partying/drug taking isn't just him really, not him having a breakdown? I think he was very nice for a few dates, and now he's out there partying. I really don't think this has legs, whether or not you can prove he's sleeping around- he's partying, doing drugs, saying bad things late at night, it's just not what you want in a new boyfriend. I wouldn't be back for more of that.

Roseflowers · 09/07/2015 17:06

I can say for sure he did have a breakdown as I witnessed a good chunk of it happen when I was round his house one night. He has mental health issues he'd been keeping quiet about and totally lost it. He's made me out to be a horrible, clingy asshole because I asked him about the condoms. I suppose I wanted a bit of affirmation that I was right in my suspicions and that it was fair of me to question then about them! I didn't even mention the earring to him...

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/07/2015 17:10

Rose the red flags are now waving in the wind. I wouldn't be in for people calling me names even if they have a MH problem, and especially not if they use that as an excuse when confronted with the condoms. If there was a reasonable explanation, he could have just given it. This is not a good relationship, please please chuck him back in the pond and try fishing someone a bit nicer out next time.

Joysmum · 09/07/2015 17:56

Been together a couple of months, not had sex in the past week leaving 7 weeks.

I'd certainly have given it more than 7 weeks before I thought I could trust somebody with my sexual health.

Hopefully you'll have learnt your lesson. Get yourself tested because you've had unprotected sex and cleat his word mean jack shit.

AnyFucker · 09/07/2015 18:06

this is a heck of a lack of drama for a relationship of two months

something sounds a bit overdone here

AnyFucker · 09/07/2015 18:34

LOT of drama

Roseflowers · 09/07/2015 18:43

Sadly yeah, the last few weeks have been. Like I said this was the last straw and he's been binned

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 09/07/2015 18:48

All this happened in a day? Confused

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread