My husband doesn't believe I was raped in a previous relationship

[CindyEcstacy]

I don't want to drop feed or omit important information so sorry in advance.

In 2006 my ex-p came to my just on the pretence of visiting my DC1 (born 99) who he had been close to for nearly 5 years. We had been split for several months. He came to my home and raped me while my child slept in his bedroom.

I've tried to not let this bother me or impact our lives in any way. I am a very positive person (I think!) I got married and had a 2nd son in 2010.

Recently my marriage has been going to pot for various reasons including financial, medical and emotional. And substance abuse (really trying to be honest)

Today in a heated row with DH he told me that I was mental and always has been. He 'knew' what had gone on on with ex and he had seen my medical records that there was an 'accusation' of rape.

I went fucking batshit because a) he wouldn't tell me how he had had access to my medical records and b) when he kept saying it was accusations was screaming at him well do you believe me? Do you? Do you? He wouldn't answer

This is just the tip of the iceberg re our marriage (ha!) at the mo. But I feel so hurt and angry and betrayed that he seemed to be doubting my account of my life before him

Sorry for the waffle xxx my head is a mess please help me

It's irrelevant really. I just need to get myself and my children away from this toxicity

Cor my honesty killed that thread then!

I'll hold back on the truth in the future

I'm sure they shouldn't/wouldn't have showed him YOUR medical records.

Do you still have contact details for your social worker so you could ask her advice?

But, as you say, that's irrelevant in the bigger picture - just make plans to get away.

Well done for getting clean.
Your husband is a dick!
What kind of arsehole would use your rape to hurt you? Not someone who cares for you.
You need to leave him.

Did you have your medical record for antenatal appointments at home? I had shared care between the hospital and GP so had to carry around a file. My sister read it and it contained something I never wanted anyone to know I had regretted telling the the GP - but they kept insisting on putting in on my antenatal file.

Even if op did have her medical records at home. He had no right or business reading them anyway

Indeed well done on getting clean.

Well done OP on 17 months clean

It's very upsetting that he has somehow had access to your medical records, and if someone has shown them to him (for example if Social services accidentally included them with your case report) it could be a major breach of the DPA, which is a criminal offence.

Alternatively if he has obtained them by deception then that is a criminal offence on his part.

Either way, what he said was an appallingly hurtful thing to say, I cannot imagine any loving partner ever saying this, even in a heated argument.

Your marriage, from what you've said, is on its last legs. What do you feel you want to do now? Do you want to look at the practicalities of getting out of this marriage?

I would mention in in writing to the Social Work department, as it is a huge data breach if it did come from them.

Have you contacted Women's Aid yet? They won't judge you, but will help.

He seems to be just the kind of person who will sabotage your recovery; because he isn't ready to make this journey himself yet. You really need to get away to be able to continue your journey, he is trying to pull you down to make him feel better himself.

How are you set up financially? How hard is it going to be to make the break?

I'm really sorry that you are going through this. You know what you need to do but please look for rl support to help you do it.

Regarding your medical records. Somewhere along the line there has been a breach of confidentiality. There are a couple of possibilities:

1. He looked in your hand held antenatal notes if you had them.
2. If you were in hospital with your ds, he looked at your notes there. Maybe when you went to the loo or had a shower?

Or he has found out via social services. That someone has made a huge mistake in divulging or discussing this very personal information.

If it was one of the first two, then he is a nosy bastard. If its via ss, someone needs disciplining for a breach of trust which could have put you at risk of harm.

You have a right to find out how he knows. Is it possible he could have found out something while you were away from your family? Or (and I ask this as sensitively as I can) might you have disclosed something while you were under the influence in previous times?

No matter how he found out though, he is an abusive knob to accuse you of lying. And I know this won't really count but I believe you.

Wow. Just wow. That is low. Calling you mental is bad enough. But to invade your privacy by illegally gaining access to your medical records, and then to use your rape against you is vile.
OP I hope you can get away from this piece of shit very quickly. He's not a good person to be around.
I believe you.

Congratulations on being 17 months clean. One day I hope to ditch my clutch too (mines food).

Be kind to yourself and take care OP

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate the time you took to reply and I haven't disappeared.

I've spent the last two days trying to sort out the nightmare that is emergency housing. It's so close to the end of term for my DCs that I'm trying to hang in here.

I will update further over the wknd when I have some time and privacy

Xxxx

If your social worker has had access to your medical records to write a report then it may well have been included in the report. They would either need your consent or permission from a Court to do this though, If you have children with your DH and the issues with social services are around the children then he would receive a copy of any report the produced.