Tipping over from colleague to friend.

[CassieMortmain]

I have a colleague, slightly senior to me although different departments so we are not really connected- my department provides a service to hers.

She is powerful and a bit of an 'alpha'. She is highly respected and a lot of people either try to win her favour or are a bit scared of her, she has great people skills so it is hard to tell whether she likes people or is just managing them well.

I really like her and we have been having an increasing amount of interaction. What do I do to work out whether it is a potential friendship or just her managing me?? I really can't tell!

Terribly sorry, Cassie, but I agree with SL. My first thought was "she's gay" - prompted by the way you're thinking about her & fretting over this. The fact that you're both in long-term relationships doesn't help anything much here. What you are hoping for is an emotional affair, otherwise the whole tone of your posts would be different.

I might feel a tiny bit more laid back about this if not for the fact that the object of your admiration is professionally required to be good at reading people. If we can read your desires in your posts on here, do you really think she hasn't also?

Keep things as they are. In fact, if she does take your friendship out of the office, I'd advise steering clear! Big risk of ending up as an interesting experiment for her and a total fucking disaster for you ... same advice I'd give if the other party were a man.

Why have you been having an increasing amount of interaction with her? are you confusing cause and effect here?

I don't think it sounds like a potential friendship at all and is more likely a combination of you being a bit infatuated with her and her being a good people person. My advice is to remain professional and don't read more into it than necessary.

Thanks all. Good advice here- I shall leave it well alone.

A counsellor once said to me that when you are v attracted to someone in a non sexual way it means that they have qualities that you would like for yourself.

Such a convoluted way of saying 'I fancy my boss'.

Well done Cassie! Hope it wears off soon :)

Thanks. Nothing like a bit of MN straight talking to make you have a good think about what you are actually doing!

you've already reached this conclusion, and i agree. always be friendly and open but don't suggest anything further. that ball is definitely in her court. and then go or not as you feel at the time.

it's fine to feel attracted to someone. it's what we do about it that matters. as someone else said upthread, she has qualities that you admire, she's interesting and fun to be with. you're not going in for a snog, you're interested in friendship. your dh knows. there's no problem here.

the only potential issue is work and whether she is not actually interested in friendship, in which case work could potentially become awkward. that's always the risk with any type of relationship in a work environment.