I cant hold a conversation

[Thaigal]

I don't know if this is some kind of mental problem I have, problems socialising of if it's a common problem.

I can't hold a conversation, I become incredibly bored very quickly when people talk to me, examples of this is when I phone my mum she starts going on about what house work she's done that day, what curtains she's put up, what she's found under the bed during cleaning...I switch off completely and try and get off the phone, other times she will start going on about other family members, saying who should and shouldn't be saying or doing what they are etc etc and it bores the hell out of me, I have no interest in other people's lives.

I only have 1 proper friend (wonder why!) and I can't hold a conversation with her either, 9 times out of 10 she will start slagging off her sister in law which doesnt interest me at all, she talks about the kids, her crafts, tv programs...all of it just bores me to death and I know how awful that sounds. I don't watch TV (it bores me!) so have never been able to talk about programs with people etc but I'm finding lately that I don't seem to be able to take interest in ANYTHING people talk to me about. I still talk to my ex over msn and he bores me to death sending me links to daft pictures etc and going on about boring stuff...

Is it me? is so I would love some words of wisdom as I'm sure I must make it obvious that I'm not interest when people speak to me The only think I can hold a proper conversation in is travelling which nobody I know seems to be interested in!

Hmmmmm ??

I too find my mother incredibly boring - with her detailed minutiae of her dull life being relayed monotonously - more often than not I don't pick up the phone !

But - I do not find my friends conversations boring - nor TV !

Are you feeling OK in yourself ? I am just wondering if this is a symptom of depression ?

Have you got people to talk about travel with ? Could you join a group on online chat about it ?

Poor you - I would hate to be totally bored with everything !

a good friend or experiences socialite will remember to always be interested in the other person.

when two people know this - its great becuase either of you will actually listen to the other.

i am a listener - i am quite happy to listen to other people - i i find them interesting usually. however if i do speakk - i absolutley expect to be listened to

howeer talkers - seem to forget this small point.

Thaigal maybe you've are out of practise? I am due to isolation/bullying at work and counsellor says I need to exercise my social muscles again otherwise they get atrophied...maybe same thing has happened to you?

It's down to practise. If you find people boring they will sense it and not want to talk to you. Yes, the minutiae of people's lives can be boring until you realise just how much you have in common. It might be children, books, partners......the weather even!! It doesn't matter. Just find the tiniest bit of common ground and you'll be away. Most people are interesting in their simple humanity. I agree with custardo - it's a really important skill to listen and sound interested. It does sounds like the people you talk to have pet subjects that they talk endlessly about that you don't enjoy. Try to get them onto something else - something that you like. If they still start banging on about their obsession, stop them and try again. Otherwise it's not a conversation just a lecture.

BTW TV is boring mostly. Read a book instead

I also find it odd that no-one wants to talk to you about travelling. I would...perhaps some of your mates are just dull people...

I too have to make a real effort with most people. I am really bad at remembering that I'm meant to ask people about themselves, when they have asked me. Because I do find the whole exchange dull. It's smalltalk that bores me though - and irrelevant waffle like what mums do - when I get together with a friend who really understands me and we have shared interests, I'll really get into it and also listen to them quite happily. And DP and I can yammer an evening away talking about our shared interests or friends we know. So - though I know what you mean, I think if you're bored by everyone and everything, that could be a sign of depression. Some ADs might make a world of difference.

girlysquare that's such a good way of phrasing it and the more that you exercise it the stronger the muscle gets and the easier it is to communicate, feel sociable, be sociable etc and when your doing all of that you feel much more confident in yourself. i've felt withdrawn and isolated at times in the past and found that the more I push myself out there the better I feel. Sounds like you've had a difficult time - hope things are getting better.

Thaigirl - maybe you need to find activities that interest you so that you have more to talk about. Join clubs, read books or whatever it takes to broaden your knowledge and thus give you more to talk about. No matter how hard it is you really should listen to what your friend has to say.

I don't find other people boring quite the opposite actually, everyone's lives seem fascinating since I have had ds! But I do struggle to think of things to say to people I don't know very well. I can talk for hours to close friends and family infact I think they dread hearing the phone ring in case it is me! However I have no idea what to say to acquaintances e.g antenatal friends, people I know through m&t groups so most of the time I don't bother which must make me seem very boring and standoffish.

Snowleopard, you make a good point about small talk being dull, isn't it just? But how do you move on from small talk onto interesting stuff when you hardly know someone?

I sometimes find that times of crisis (not that you'd want those to happen for the purpose!) can bring out people's true selves and that can a turing point between smalltalk and actual friendship. I think I made one of my best friends when my DP had a breakdown and moved out for a while - she was more of an acquaintance before but she offered to come round and watch tv with me, it became a regular thing and in that situation you can't pretend everything's dandy so the smalltalk goes out of the window.

Or sometimes I just start talking about what actually genuinely interests me - and it may be too heavy for some but others will become animated. Eg i have one friend who is into literature and we can talk for hours about that.

However I do think I'm socially a bit pants. I'm crap at smalltalk and I know I scare people off by seeming aloof - or obviously seeming bored! My take i=on it is, you can't like everyone, and everyone can't like you. If they did, how would you know who your real friends were?

Have you thought about doing something a bit more intellectually stimulating, eg an OU course?

go adn read a book fgs

cod oclock already?