As it says... I ve developed a destructive, self harming way of eating and drinking that I can t seem to get a grip on. I know how to eat healthily, how to cook, how to cut calories, the whole thing but will not apply it to myself. It's like I m sabotaging myself in losing weight and being fit and healthy. I try to eat well and cut out wine but every day I just give in. I need to lose six stone to be in a healthy weight range. I used to be slim, active and confident. But I can t even remember how it felt to be a healthy weight. In the past ten years I have had three babies, relocated 270 miles away from my home, married and divorced an abusive man, my father died and my narcissistic mother and only sister both turned against me. I only have minimal contact with my mum, none with my sister. No other family apart from an elderly aunt. I left my teaching career to move with my husbands job but he then went off with an ow. I was seven months pregnant. My youngest is now 4 and getting ready for school and I am in the process of getting ready to supply teach. I want to relocate down south next year as the North has not felt right since it all went belly up. I m terrified of doing that but equally terrified of living out my years here. I m in rented accommodation on benefits. Although I am preparing to work in the next couple of months. Despite very good friends scattered around the country and lovely local friends who are supportive I feel like shit most of the time. I eat for comfort, cos I'm bored, cos I hate myself and I drink to blur the edges. I am insightful and reflective on what's been going on in my life, had lots of counselling but STILL will not engage in dropping weight. I m overwhelmed with it all but at the same time know that I am solely responsible for my three little ones. Even that fact does not motivate me to make a meaningful effort. I feel selfish, self absorbed and self hating. Aargh I need some strategies. Anyone??